Love Minus Zero
by sarahscriptor
Summary: Bella Swan is an introverted singer-songwriter who has had enough of her mom and stepdad's hard partying ways and moves to Forks to live with her dad. Will she discover herself, a place for her talent, the relationships her heart desires, or even love? AH
1. A Hard Rain's AGonna Fall

Love Minus Zero

Chpt. 1

A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall

**A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall (Bob Dylan)**

Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?

Oh, where have you been, my darling young one?

I've stumbled on the side of twelve misty mountains,

I've walked and I've crawled on six crooked highways,

I've stepped in the middle of seven sad forests,

I've been out in front of a dozen dead oceans,

I've been ten thousand miles in the mouth of a graveyard,

And it's a hard, and it's a hard, it's a hard, and it's a hard,

And it's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.

_ It is so loud across the smoky bar as I prepare to sing my set. Plugging in my Tak, I fixed the capo on the second fret, placed my fingers in the Emn position, and began to play "Nights in White Satin". Some in the inebriated crowd sang along loudly (and out of key), and the rest were shouting "play 'Mustang Sally'!!" I rolled my eyes as I continued my song while thinking to myself that there has to be something better to do with my gift than sing for drunks._

A loud crashing sound sent me bolt upright in my bed. I glanced at the clock which glared that it was 2:30 am. Then I heard fighting. Greeaat. My mom Renee and my stepdad Phil were drunk and at it again. This was unfortunately an increasingly common event on Saturday nights after Phil's band "Pipewrench" finished their gig in Scottsdale. They covered classic rock songs and some top 40 hits, and were weekend regulars at "Martini Ranch" a popular local bar. They also did receptions and parties on the side, and Phil made a decent living the rest of the time as a contract plumber. I'd been getting in bars since I was 14...it was surprisingly easy. I just haul in an instrument and say "I'm with the band" where I'd drink cokes and sing backup or play keys. I loved playing, but thanks to Phil and mom, I had zero interest in drugs or alcohol.

I got up and went to the front of the house and finally got a hold of mom to put her to bed. She was mumbling about some "table-top cheerleader" band groupie who was hitting on Phil. I dressed her in a nightgown and put her to bed. I went back up front to the kitchen get her a glass of water and some aspirin. Phil was there talking to me loudly and calling mom a few choice names. The next thing I know, he leaned up to me and whispered "You know, you have really great legs, and you're not a bitch like Renee". Then he pinched my butt and winked at me. Oh. hell. no. I rared back and slapped him then turned tail to my room and locked the door. I had put up with Phils friends and bandmates hitting on me when they were drunk. I had dealt with men at the shows doing everything from propositioning me to proposing to me, especially after they heard me do a song. That is why I no longer like playing in front men very much. Luckily I had always managed to prevent anything from happening, even if it meant taking Phil's Martin upside a guy's head. But never had Phil done anything this stupid. I knew he was drunk or otherwise it would have never happened. But it did, and that was the last straw for me.

I cast my eyes around my room with the thing that brought Phil and I together...the guitar he bought me 6 years ago. My Takamine is my favorite thing in the whole world. It was my outlet...I let my deepest feelings out by writing songs and playing music. I studied the greats...for me the foremost was Bob Dylan. I remembered the concert Phil took mom and I to in Las Vegas September of last year for my birthday. Seeing Bob live was one of the best experiences of my life. How can I reconcile the man who has been my stepfather since I was 7, introduced me to music, taught me to play, sing, and write with what happened tonight? Music was what bonded us. And now...this.

As I sat in my room, I thought about my options as I worked on a new song. _"Well I'm tired of the road I have taken, and I'm tired of my home sweet home. Yeah, and I'm tired of the dreams they're forsaken. Many miles to roam." _Writing a song is like putting a puzzle together...the melody and lyrics and in a state of unfocused control, subconscious thoughts often make their way to the surface. After my song was finished, I thought about my dad Charlie. That man loved me, no doubt about it. He was quiet and not really that great with communication, but he was very protective of me, and I think his opinion of Phil (which wasn't that great to begin with) would be made even worse if he knew half of this. Plus, Charlie had just married Sue about 2 years ago, and I didn't know how I would fit in with their dynamic as well as with two step-siblings. But I knew I couldn't stay here anymore. Being more of a parent than a child to Renee was getting old. I'd been lucky in the past, but I couldn't trust a bunch of drunk rock-n-rollers to keep me safe in the situations I was put in frequently here. So there it was. I had to call Charlie.

One bright spot in all of this was that I was only a few weeks into my summer vacation after wrapping up my Junior year. I had spent a few summers in Forks, Washington as a kid, but I really haven't been back much except for Charlie and Sue's wedding since I was twelve. Most of the people from the area that I did know were Charlie's friends from the Rez down at La Push. I wouldn't really know anyone at my school, but part of me was happy about that prospect. I liked staying to myself, and found it difficult making friends. Once someone broke past my wall though, I loved them for life. I really only had one friend in Pheonix, Kate. She and I had been friends for years, but it was really one of more convenience than anything. She got a boyfriend last year, and so we aren't as close as we had been, but she had been a loyal friend to me and I would miss her. I had a good feeling though, that what I would gain in Forks would surpass what I would lose here.

I stayed in my room until I heard Phil's truck leave at 10am for work. But it was after Renee had left for work as an RN at the hospital at 3pm the next Sunday morning that I decided to call Charlie.

"Swan residence" Sue's voice called over the sound of clanking pans.

"Hi, Sue...it's Bella. Is Charlie around?"

"Well hi Bella! Good to hear from you! Hang on a second..." She called for Charlie in the background.

"Hey Bella...how are you honey?"

"Hey dad, well...that's why I'm calling. I really need to talk to you." I pondered on how much I should divulge to Charlie about what had happened.

"What's going on?" Charlie gruffed. I knew he had suspicions about Renee and Phil's lifestyle, and although I generally defended them and downplayed a large part of what went on, his instincts told him otherwise. That and the background check he did on Phil.

"Dad, I wanted to know if it would be okay if I moved to Forks and live with you and Sue."

I swore I heard crickets chirp in the 5 seconds of silence.

"What happened, Bella?" Charlie asked in a severe tone. It's now or never...truth or lie? I knew Phil probably wasn't aware of what happened, or if he was he'd deny it to save his relationship with mom. Half-truth it is then.

"One of Phil's drunk friends hit on me last night, and because Phil and mom were... um wasted it was all I could do to get away to my room and lock my door. It isn't the first time this kind of thing has happened, and I don't really feel safe here anymore."

"Bella, has anything happened to you?!" Charlie roared

"No, no dad, but like I said...I don't want to take my chances anymore. I haven't even talked to mom yet...I wanted to talk to you first."

"Bella, I'm sure that will be no problem...I don't like the idea of you staying there one bit, and you know that. Look, let me run this over with Sue, and I'll call you in a few hours."

" K dad, thanks. I love you."

"Sure thing, Bells".

I made myself dinner and cleaned the kitchen before locking myself in my room with my cellphone, guitar, ipod, and laptop. I was in the middle of researching everything I could about Forks, which wasn't much, when I heard Phil pull up. I heard him walk down the hall and he knocked a few times on my door.

"Bella? You okay?"

I rolled my eyes and let out a "Psh" before responding.

"Not really Phil. I already ate...fix yourself dinner."

"You want to talk?"

I wondered if he really just didn't remember, or was pretending nothing was wrong. Either way...

"Not to you. And I would really appreciate it if you left me alone until I'm ready to talk to you."

"Bella..." he paused for the span of about ten seconds. "I'm sorry...you know I'd never hurt you." Guess that answers my question.

"Not while you're sober at least. Just please leave me alone, Phil. Please."

About half an hour later, my phone rang...it was Charlie.

"Hey, dad" I answered softly.

"Hey Bells...are you okay?"

"Yeah, dad...I'm fine. I'm holed up in my room being my antisocial self." I joked

"Well, honey...Sue and I talked about it and she's fine with you living with us as long as you follow the rules of the house. You know Leah and Seth have the same rules...you just need to show her you'll try. She wants to treat you the same as her own kids. I think she's a little worried about the free and easy parenting style you are used to, you know. But I'll feel a lot better having you here, honey."

"Sure, dad...of course. You know I already do most of the housework and cooking here anyway, so chores aren't an issue. And despite the "free and easy" parenting, I don't have much of a social life, so curfews aren't a problem either."

"I know, Bells. I just wanted to make sure you and Sue are on the same page. Good thing we bought that four bedroom house." He joked. "Your room will be that extra one in the attic. It has it's own bathroom...I hope that's okay."

"Sure, it's fine dad. I'm just really glad you are both okay with this. Tell Sue I said thanks."

"Okay, Bells. I've taken part of my vacation in two weeks to get you moved up here and Sue will take care of getting you registered for school. So I'll be there on Tuesday two weeks from now to help you get everything."

"Thanks dad...I'll talk to mom. Although it probably won't be pretty."

"I'm sure you're right, but there's not much she can do about it now. You're seventeen...it's a lot different than when you were six. Call me if you need me."

"I will dad. Thanks, love you, bye."

I waited until Renee was off on Wednesday and Phil was at work on a plumbing job before I decided to have the talk with her I wasn't really looking forward too.


	2. Dear Landlord

AN: This is my first fanfic :). If you are reading it...thank you! I was inspired after reading a lot of fanfics, especially Twilight ones...I love the characters.

Speaking of them...

Things I do own: a giant bookshelf my dad built, a slinky, a laptop with a wonky "m" key, and a piano with a sticky "F" key that needs a tune.

Things I don't own: Bob Dylan (unfortunately) and all of the lovely characters in this story. They belong to a now very wealthy author by the name of Stephenie Meyer.

Playlist for this Chapter: (aka A sampling of what Bella is listening to on the plane)

Toad the Wet Sprocket - Windmills (I like the acoustic version)

Joan Baez - Diamonds and Rust

Tori Amos - 1000 Oceans

Bob Dylan- Girl from the North Country & Sara

Avett Brothers - Paranoia in B flat major

Needtobreathe- Prisoner

Beethoven - Sonata no. 8 Pathetique

* * *

Chapter 2

Dear Landlord

Dear landlord,

Please don't put a price on my soul.

My burden is heavy,

My dreams are beyond control.

When that steamboat whistle blows,

I'm gonna give you all I got to give,

And I do hope you receive it well,

Dependin' on the way you feel that you live.

Dear landlord,

Please heed these words that I speak.

I know you've suffered much,

But in this you are not so unique.

All of us, at times, we might work too hard

To have it too fast and too much,

And anyone can fill his life up

With things he can see but he just cannot touch.

Dear landlord,

Please don't dismiss my case.

I'm not about to argue,

I'm not about to move to no other place,

Now, each of us has his own special gift

And you know this was meant to be true,

And if you don't underestimate me,

I won't underestimate you.

I walked into the living room and heard Renee in an enthusiastic phone conversation and smoking a cigarette. When she saw me she smiled and held up her finger to me to tell me to wait there a second. She dismissed her friend on the phone and turned to me.

"Hey, honey...are you okay? You've been very quiet since this weekend." Feeling my forehead she asked, "are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah, mom I'm feeling okay. Look we need to talk." Would she blow it off or believe me? Knowing her I'm betting the latter.

"Okay, honey" she said uncertainly as she crushed her cigarette out in the ashtray.

"Okay, um Saturday night..."

"Look, honey I'm sorry about our fight. I know it looked bad, but Phil and I are alright...I promise. No worries, okay?"

"No, mom that's not it, and I need you to listen to me without interrupting and wait until I finish, please." She reluctantly nodded. "So anyway, Saturday night you and Phil came home plastered..." Renee began to interrupt but I held my hand up and spoke louder. "I had to break up the argument, put you to bed, and clean up the stuff you threw. And if that wasn't bad enough, Phil hit on me while you were passed out."

"Oh, Bella...you know Phil would never do that. You must have misunderstood. You know he's much friendlier when he's had a few drinks."

"Renee! I think living with you and the rockstar plumber has given me _plenty_ of experience in men being inappropriate with me. Touching my ass is not just being friendly, and I'm pretty pissed you just blow stuff like this off." Renee didn't say anything. I knew this next part wasn't going to go over well, so I softened my tone. "Look, I love you and Phil mom. You know that. But the last year or so, this sort of thing has become more frequent, and I don't feel safe...so I called Charlie."

"What! Bella...this is none of his damned business. He hasn't given a shit about you all these years, he hasn't earned the right to be a part of what goes on with us." she fumed.

"I didn't tell him what I told you about Phil if that is what you are worried about. Mom, I've only got one year of school left before I go to college anyway... I'm going to live with Charlie and Sue. He's coming for me in two weeks."

And then, she slapped me across my cheek and ran to her room crying. That wasn't quite what I expected, but I wasn't that surprised. We didn't talk again until Saturday afternoon when she told me what time she and Phil would be home from his gig. I mentioned a few details Charlie and I had gone over when I called him a few times during the week for updates which she of course blew off. I began the tedious process of packing, being sure to discard anything I didn't really need to take. The following week, mom was off on Tuesday, and she told me she wanted to talk.

"Bella, I know I over-reacted, and I know you didn't make this decision without thinking about it and the ramifications. I feel hurt and betrayed, but you're right, you will be eighteen on your birthday, and you have a right to make this choice."

A few tears slid down her face as she gave me the guilt trip spiel.

"Thank you mom. I'm sorry if it hurts you, but I have to do this."

Then she gave me three hundred dollars to go shopping with. Typical Renee...try to buy me off when she knows I hate shopping.

"Don't tell Phil about this, please. You'll need warmer clothes for Forks...it rains all the time too. Be sure to invest in some rainboots." she scoffed.

The following Wednesday Renee and I went to the post office to ship part of my belongings to Charlie's. Renee even payed for my plane ticket to Forks. I figured at least a little part of her must realize how much more freedom she and Phil would have without me there...not that she'd ever admit it.

Phil knocked on my door that Friday and I told him to come in.

"Bella, look...I hope this isn't about what happened. I'm sorry, you know I'd never do anything to hurt you kid...don't you?"

"Yeah, Phil...I know that. You know I love you and I forgive you for what happened. But I have to do this for me Phil."

"Yeah, I guess I can understand that. You know I love you, kid. You stick with your music up there, you hear?"

"Sure thing, Phil. Thank you for sharing music with me...that is something you and I will always share...no matter what." He smiled and shut my door on his way out.

He and mom stayed home that Tuesday to see me off. I brought the rest of my stuff up to the front and sat it by the front door. About 2pm Charlie called and said he was at the airport and taking a cab to the house. It was an hour and a half later that I was hugging my mom, Phil, and my past goodbye. I had asked Charlie to lay off Phil, and he did a fair job...for Charlie. It was hard to ignore his steady glare and slightly menacing sneer. Phil was smart enough to stay quiet, and Renee surprisingly didn't start anything. We loaded up everything and drove away to the airport, and my future. I looked around to the place that had been my home for the vast majority of my life and tried to burn all of the good memories linked with the images flashing by. I knew right then I would never forget the day the course of my life would change forever...hopefully for the good.

Charlie was pretty quiet the whole trip, and I could tell that airplanes were not his cup of tea. I put in my ear buds and listened to everything from Toad the Wet Sprocket to Joan Baez after I figured out talking wasn't really helping Charlie's nerves. Well, he made it all the way to Pheonix without me, I guessed he would live. It did touch me a great deal to know he had endured two plane flights that he probably enjoyed as much as a root canal just so that I wouldn't have to do this on my own. I grinned as I was struck with the realization that my strength and resolve came from him.

It was dark when we arrived at Sea-Tac, and I could see that Charlie was even more wiped out than me. We hauled all of my things out on a cart and Charlie began looking around for Leah who was supposed to meet us at the Atrium area of the main terminal. Twenty minutes later, she sauntered toward us.

"You're late." Charlie huffed

"Yeah, I'm sorry...traffic was crazy and it took me forever to get a good space." Leah sighed. "Hello, Bella." She aimed at me with a high pitch, a quick wave, and a plastered smile.

"Hi, Leah. Thanks for coming to get us." I returned with a smile. I had been around Leah only once when I came up for Charlie and Sue's wedding. We were friendly with each other, but I could tell we would never be bosom buddies or any simblance of a true sister relationship. Ours would instead be one of tolerance and forced smiles. She was sort of high-maintanance, and all she talked about was her boyfriend Paul or her BMW 530i. She got the car when she got her license thanks to her father Harry Clearwater's largish insurance policies he had on himself for Sue and each of the kids.

We finally found Sue's Tahoe after another nearly half hour of looking around after Leah had forgotten where she parked. Finally, and exasperated but surprisingly tolerant Charlie pushed the alarm and located the truck. Leah chatted on the phone the majority of the way home while Charlie drove. Realizing there wasn't going to be a great deal of conversation, I put in my earbuds only halfway listening to the music. In reality I was soaking up all of my new surroundings...part of me so excited I could barely breathe, a part sad for leaving what I'd always known, and part of me so nervous I was chewing my nails. Nearly four hours later, we came into the small town of Forks. Charlie and I grabbed armfuls of overstuffed bags, and of course the first thing I grabbed was the Tak. I could smell the dinner Sue was making as we trekked upstairs which caused my stomach to give an angry growl. Dad had mentioned what a good cook Sue was, and I realized I hadn't eaten since this morning. It took us only a few more trips with Seth's help to get everything up to my new attic bedroom. It was a large room with built in bookshelves and a sloped ceiling. There was a older wrought iron full bed in the center, a decent closet, and an antique dresser with a mirror. It was obvious this room was rarely if ever used, but it was very clean.

"Sue picked up some new bedding I hope you like purple." Charlie said as he glanced around the room.

"Purple's great, thanks dad. " I replied as I took in the bed set and curtains in shades of lavender, periwinkle, and aubergine. I smiled to think that Charlie remembered my favorite color.

" Well, dinner will be ready in a few minutes." Charlie mumbled as he walked out and gently closed the door. I laid back on my freshly made bed and took in my new sanctuary.

Sue hugged me as I came downstairs and I helped her set the table and carry the food out. After a meal of smothered pork chops, mashed potatoes, and broccoli, I offered to wash dishes. I was trying to show Sue my appreciation for all she had done for me and letting me move in. Leah went to Paul's right after dinner, so we really didn't get to talk much. But Seth and I talked a bit, and he seemed kind but naive. About and hour later, everyone went to bed but I was too worked up to sleep just yet. So I began putting away some of my clothes and books. I set my alarm for eight and drifted off to sleep.

I woke up confused to a knocking at my door. I glanced at my clock and it was 6:45am.

"Come In" I groaned sleepily.

"Bella, good morning" Sue greeted. "I'll be off to work in a few minutes and I wanted to have a talk with you before I go."

"Okay" I blinked, confused again.

"I have your portion of the chores on this chart for each day. Seth takes care of most of the outdoor chores except sweeping off the porches which is on today's list along with vaccuming and laundry for you. You'll find laundry baskets in each bathroom and the utility room off of the kitchen. The vaccum is in the closet under the stairs. You will also need to finish unpacking today. This is for summer...when school starts back it will be less. I expect these things to be done thoroughly, and once they are all done you are free to do whatever you like as long as it's okay with your dad."

"Okay, I'll be happy to help Sue" was all I could think to say.

"I'm sure you'll be no problem, Bella. Welcome home." she answered with a small smile as she slipped out of the door. I took a look at the chore chart. It was a lot of work...I was used to doing a good bit of the housework, but Renee surely wasn't as particular as Sue about cleanliness. I thought to myself as I looked the chart over if Leah did anything around here.

I got on up even though I was still really tired from traveling all day. I wanted to make a good impression with Sue, even if it looked like it would take a lot to do so. I finished the majority of my unpacking before lunch and did the remainder of my chores the best I could over the next couple of hours. As I finished sweeping off the back porch, I noticed a well worn trail into the woods behind the house. I smiled widely when the idea came to me as I put up the broom and I ran upstairs to get the Tak. I put a pick in my pocket, grabbed my phone, and fixed my capo to the headstock before heading down the trail.

I walked for about 10 minutes before I found a wide tree stump in an area that looked like a clearing with a few trees. I sat there and began to pick out a few songs. As I got more comfortable, I began playing a few of my songs, and a few of my favorite covers. It was so freeing to be out in the middle of nowhere and to sing and play as loud as I wanted while surrounded by so much beauty. I decided right then that this would be my very own special place... a place for me and my music. I thought to myself that I would need to bring my notebook and pen because surely this seemingly primeval and nearly magical place would be the source of much inspiration. I followed the trail back to the house and as I entered the back door into the kitchen, I was met with a very aggravated and stern looking Sue.


	3. Maggie's Farm

**Maggie's Farm**

**I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more**

**No, I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more**

**Well, I wake in the morning**

**Fold my hands and pray for rain**

**I got a head full of ideas**

**That are drivin' me insane**

**It's a shame the way she makes me scrub the floor**

**I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more**

I sat in my new room at ten at night tired, cranky, and crying quietly thinking about all that had happened this afternoon. I mean I'm no fool...I knew there would be challenges at Charlie's the same as with mom and Phil. It's just that I couldn't understand the impetus behind Sue's tirade. I mean with mom and Phil it wasn't too hard to get...they drank too much, were irresponsible, and lived in a constant state of partying every weekend thanks to the band. I tried not to let Charlie see my distress this evening when he got home from work. He worked long hours as the Police Chief in Forks, and I didn't want him to in any way regret the decision to let me move here on my first day. Plus I didn't want to give Sue the satisfaction. With Charlie being gone such long hours, I figured it would mainly be up to Sue and me to come to a truce. The thing that really got to me was that I was really trying to please her, and what hurt was the accusation that I was purposefully trying to skirt around my duties just to be difficult.

_"Bella" Sue said flatly as she glared at me. "What are you playing at? Where were you just now?"_

_"Um, I finished the chores you gave me...the vaccuming, putting away most of my things, the laundry, and sweeping the porches. So I took my guitar out to play since it was a pretty day." I replied uncertainly feeling like I was missing something. The confusion had to be evident on my face. _

_"Well, did you bother to read the top of the chart? It specifically says that you are responsible for cooking dinner every other night. Seeing as I cooked last night, that would mean it's your turn, Bella. I've worked my shift up at the hospital and get home expecting for it to be done, and it's not. Furthermore, did you check Leah's laundry basket?"_

_"Um, I got all the baskets from the bathrooms like you asked. I also didn't think Leah would like me in her room when she's not here to give me her permission." I stated firmly. "However, I am sorry that I didn't see the top of the chart about dinner. If you like I will get started on something." I tried to control the aggravation in my voice knowing it was made all the more volatile by me being so tired after traveling the day before and waking up at 6:45 in the morning!! _

_"Well, I will make sure that you have Leah's permission to avoid any future excuse on that front." She nearly spat. "And as far as dinner goes, I'll handle it myself tonight. You will need to do the grocery shopping tomorrow on top of your other chores which shouldn't be too hard for you since Thursday is a light day. I will leave you a list on the kitchen table in the morning along with the money, and you can take your dad's truck. You can cook tomorrow night and every other night from then on unless I tell you differently. Do you think you can do that, Bella?"_

_"Yes, Sue. I'm really trying...I hope you know that. I really am sorry I didn't see the note about dinner." I tried to make peace. _

_"That remains to be seen. Perhaps you're just seeing what you can get away with." She mumbled. _

_Shock, anger, and a smidgeon of hurt washed over me...I couldn't believe what she just said. Ugh! "Why would you think that? What would possess me to..."_

_"We'll see" she stated flatly as she turned to start dinner. _

It wasn't helping that I noticed that Leah wasn't even here most of the day...that was just pissing me off. I mean, we're the same age and in the same grade. Where was her chore chart? Well, I guess if you have a social life and are a spoiled princess you get a "get out of chores free card" to go with your shiny bimmer. Whatever. I just planned to make the best out of it. No matter what weird, deluded, Cinderella step-daughter, "Bella stinks" mentality was going on here, I was resolved. One year, and at least I was safe from the groping hands of middle aged drunks. Exhausted, I set my alarm for 7:15am (hey meet her halfway, right?) flicked off my lamp and escaped into my dreams.

The next morning, it was the alarm that woke me, and not incessant knocking. I looked out the window and noticed the rain, however it was quite warm out. _Good thing_, I thought to myself as my wardrobe still mainly consisted of warm weather Arizona clothes. I wondered who I could get to go with me spend the shopping money Renee gave me, as I really had no idea what to buy for Washington weather. Leah probably would be my best or worst choice depending on how you looked at it. At least I had several pairs of jeans and some short and long sleeve tees until I could go. I owned one jacket, but I did like shoes and had plenty of those..._except for rainboots_ I pondered with a grin as I looked outside. After a shower, I blow-dried my hair straight before putting it in a ponytail and brushed my teeth. I put on a green bandana tank with a pair of denim shorts and a pair of strappy brown leather espadrilles. I stopped a moment to consider myself in the mirror. I thought I looked plain with brown hair and eyes. I favored Renee more, but with Charlie's coloring. My figure was okay...I had been told I looked too thin, gangly even, but I had finally developed curves in the right places last year.

As I wandered the house, I noticed both Seth and Leah were gone today...probably to the Rez. That was fine with me...I liked the solitude. I checked the chore chart...thoroughly. All that was on there for today was cleaning windows and dusting. I worked diligently and as thoroughly as I could and was done before lunch. I ate a quick peanut butter fold-over, and went to my room. I played a few songs on the Tak, then gathered my purse and phone as well as the list, money, and keys. I stepped outside grateful that the rain had let up. I laughed at dad's old red Chevy rust-bucket. He drove the cruiser most of the time, so he had this truck basically just for going out to the Rez and fishing with his best friend Billy Black. I hopped in, adjusted the seat, turned the key, and jumped as the engine roared to life. I had to laugh as I noticed a radio with a cd player...the juxtaposition of it with this old truck had me rolling. I turned the dial and found a decent station that was currently playing "Annie's Song" by John Denver. I cranked it up and worked out the top harmony on the way to the grocery store, singing loudly over the roar of the truck.

I was so intent on getting everything on Sue's list, I didn't watch where I was going (as usual) and looked up a second before I collided with another shopping cart.

"Oh, gosh...sorry." I mumbled to a little spunk of a girl with a short and spiky yet trendy hairstyle.

"Oh, no problem." she bounced. "I'm Alice...do I know you?"

"Hi Alice, I'm Bella..." I hesitated. "Bella Swan. I just moved here from Pheonix to live with my dad Charlie."

"Oh, Chief Swan is your dad! Nice to meet you, Bella. Are you still in high school?"

"Yes, this will be my Senior year." I replied with a smile.

"Oh, that's awesome! You'll be in the same grade as me and my twin brother Edward. He's around here somewhere."

A deep melodic voice answered, "What about Edward?" And then I saw him as he put a box of cereal in their cart. Oh. my. stars. I had never seen a man so beautiful. I tried to control my breathing as my heart spluttered nervously. He had bronze untamed sexy hair that just worked, a gorgeous face, and as he turned to my direction I was hypnotized on the spot by a pair of electric green eyes. I vaguely heard Alice laughing then speaking.

"Brother, this is Bella Swan...she'll be a Senior with us this year." He nodded to me and his eyes raked over me _appraisingly?_ before he turned his gaze to his sister seemingly unaffected. Right...like plain Jane Bella is going to turn his head. Anyway, no doubt a guy that good looking was taken. _Just my luck _I mentally sighed. At least I would know someone at my new school. I think I managed to mumble a goodbye before darting off nervously to finish up my shopping before heading home. I had to laugh at the irony of the radio station that was still dialed in for playing "Hungry Eyes". Haha...very funny I mused. My thoughts never strayed far away from the beautiful Adonis of the Forks Market as I prepared lasagna for dinner.

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**AN: Thank you to all of** **my lovely reviewers and readers!**

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	4. Lay Down Your Weary Tune

**Lay Down Your Weary Tune**** (Bob Dylan)**

**The last of leaves fell from the trees**

**And clung to a new love's breast.**

**The branches bare like a banjo played**

**To the winds that listened best.**

**I gazed down in the river's mirror**

**And watched its winding strum.**

**The water smooth ran like a hymn**

**And like a harp did hum.**

**Lay down your weary tune, lay down,**

**Lay down the song you strum,**

**And rest yourself 'neath the strength of strings**

**No voice can hope to hum.**

* * *

"This is good, Bells," dad said and smiled at me as he stuffed his face with lasagna.

"Yeah, it's good," Seth responded.

"Thanks," I said offhandedly.

"A little overdone though, but still pretty good for your first try." Leah said without looking up from her phone where she appeared to be texting.

Sue didn't say anything as she ate slowly. I tried to figure out if Leah knew how to give a compliment without a cut in there somewhere. So far, I didn't think so. Plus, I had made lasagna dozens of times, so I didn't reply to her comment.

"Oh, hey Bella...we've all been invited out to La Push beach for a bonfire tomorrow night. You'll get to see Billy and do you remember Jacob,?" Charlie mentioned.

I looked around at the table to see if they would want me there. Sue gave me a small smile, Seth looked excited, and Leah glanced my way with a quick smirk. Not opposed, I ascertained. I wasn't a big fan of big crowds or parties, but I wanted to try to fit in with my family. Plus, I really did like Billy and played with Jacob a lot as kids during my summers here.

"Sure dad, sounds good, " I stated as he got up from the table to go watch his sports channel. I started doing the dishes when Sue came up beside me to dry them.

"I noticed the tops of the bookshelves and the fans weren't dusted today. In the future use the telescoping duster from the broom closet to reach the high places," she said flatly.

"Sure, Sue."

"Please don't get smart with me." She put up the last plate and left the room...andonce I turned back to the sink, I rolled my eyes.

"Leah, clean your room tonight young lady," Sue called upstairs and then looked at me pointedly before joining Charlie in the living room. As I finished up in the kitchen, I heard the phone ring.

"Bella, telephone," Leah's high pitched voice sounded. I was trying to figure out who would be calling me at Charlie's. Renee would use my cell number. I walked to the only phone downstairs which didn't really offer any privacy.

"Hello?"

"Bella, hi! It's Alice Cullen...we met in at the Forks Market yesterday." She sounded almost excited.

"Oh, hi Alice...how are you?" I didn't really know her, so it's all I could think of to say.

"I'm good, thank you. I was wandering if you wanted to get together this weekend, maybe go shopping in Port Angeles and watch a movie or something? You're new here, and I really think you're nice...so what do you say?"

"Oh, wow...um that's really nice Alice...sure. My mom gave me some money before I left to buy some things for here. I'm used to Pheonix weather, you know. So that would be really great, thanks."

"Yay! Definitely!" she squealed.

Her enthusiasm was going to take me some getting used to, but her personality sure made things a lot easier on my end. "_She's like the socialite to my loner," _I mused. Though, I really couldn't figure out why she would seek out a friendship with me...she didn't really know me. I mean a five minute conversation, most of which was on her end, couldn't be enough to determine whether someone would make a good friend...could it? Surely a girl as seemingly comfortable around others as she was had lots of friends. Not to mention that brother of hers...

"I have a thing to go to with my family tomorrow night, but Saturday I should be free after my chores." Dad and Sue looked at me questioningly and I mouthed "Alice Cullen". Dad nodded his approval and Sue looked...shocked.

"Great! I'll pick you up right after lunch, okay?" I could almost hear her bouncing in place. 

"That's fine...thanks Alice" I replied before hanging up.

Why in Sam heck was she so estatic? Normally, a shopping trip would interest me about as much as donating blood, but I had to admit that I was kind of excited. I would know someone at my new school...a potential friend. _Huh, that's certainly a rarity for me, _my inner Bella quipped. And now I knew the full name of the object of my constant daydreams since yesterday...Edward _Cullen_. I wondered if I would get to see him Saturday. It was Sue that interrupted my new fantasy intro as I realized I was probably just standing there gazing off into space.

"How do you know Alice Cullen?" She asked confused.

"I met her yesterday at the grocery store," I replied. I decided to omit also meeting her beautiful brother for some reason.

"Her dad's an ER doctor up at the hospital Sue works at...nice family. I'm glad you've made a friend, Bells," Charlie said. Sue just smiled quickly before turning back to the television. I smiled and hugged them goodnight...still making my best effort.

I went up to my room and picked up the Tak. I was glad my room was in the attic and that as long as I played quietly no one would hear. It wasn't as good as my magic stump in the woods. The incessant rain wasn't allowing for another visit anytime in the near future it seemed, so this would have to do. I began writing a song about the gorgeous bronze-haired man who I had absolutely no shot with. Oh well, my songs and dreams thankfully were not shackled to reality.

The next day I worked happily cleaning the bathrooms and mopping. I okayed it with Sue to go ahead and complete the Saturday chore of laundry ahead of time because I wanted nothing to be in the way of my trip with Alice. Thankfully weekend chores were much more slack, and Sue apparently didn't ever schedule work on Sundays. In addition to all of that, I wouldn't have to cook tonight because of the bonfire.

When I went to Leah's room to get her laundry, she made sure to give me specific instructions for most of her items as well as several "hand wash only" items she needed for tomorrow night. Of course I'm sure she believed the plastered fake smile she gave softened her demands before she waved me away to continue her phone conversation. I returned the fake smile and gave another eyeroll when she wasn't looking. Yep, if it's true that cell phones cause cancer...that girl was in trouble.

But even Leah couldn't put a damper on my spirits. After today, a whole weekend of freedom. I was glad that Charlie taken off today, and was there to witness my request to Sue. I had a feeling that I would be further insured of nothing coming up I had to do tomorrow since our agreement took place in front of Charlie.

I got finished a few hours before we would be heading to the bonfire, so I called Renee. The conversation was thankfully normal and without any tense conversation. She talked about their gig this weekend. I talked about the bonfire going shopping with Alice on Saturday. Renee seemed to blow off any awkwardness or hard feelings the same as always...which to me right now was a good thing. I missed her and having just a normal conversation with my mom was what I needed.

I showered and dressed in army green cargo capris with a pretty fitted black top and black sandals. I let my hair air dry, which usually made it fall in soft waves. When I was adding some mascara and lipgloss in the mirror, I realized I had not calculated one factor into my look...humidity. It was still raining cats and dogs with no sign of letting up. _Note to self: aquire anti-frizz serum_. I put some leave-in conditioner which helped some and begrudgingly pulled it in to a ponytail.

When we pulled up to the beach in Sue's Tahoe, I saw about twenty other vehicles there. Leah was hanging on Paul, of course, and Seth went off with a few of his friends. Charlie proudly walked me over and reintroduced me to Billy and Jacob. Billy was in his wheelchair, and looked pretty much just as I remembered. Jacob on the other hand, looked nothing like the little boy I remembered playing on this very beach with. Good grief...this kid had to be 6'4.

"Bella, you sure have turned out into a beautiful young lady. You weren't much taller than me as I sit last time I saw you." Billy looked at me adoringly and nostalgically.

"Hi, It's so good to see you again Billy," I returned as I hugged him.

"Jacob, you've grown a few yards since the last time I saw you," I joked.

He laughed as he pulled me in for a strong hug and greeted me in return. As we talked I forgot how comfortable I always was around Billy and Jacob...I was rarely at ease around anyone.

A few hours into the night I determined I was having fun. Jake and I joked around, and I was amused to find out that he didn't think very much of Leah.

"I don't know what Paul sees in her. She's so stuck up and she bugs the crap out of him 24/7. That dude is so whipped, and she isn't even pretty...it so isn't worth it."

"Well, at least he gets to ride in the bimmer," I quipped and he laughed heartily.

"Hey, Bella didn't Charlie say you played guitar and sang?"

"Um, yeah...err...I mean I do, but..."

"Hey Sam, bring Bella your guitar"

"No, no Jacob...please."

Oh, come on Bella...please. One song then I'll leave you alone I promise." He grabbed Sam's Ovation and handed it to me.

"Jake, I don't really play in front of people anymore...especially men."

"Please...for me Bells?" He batted his eyelashes and pouted. I laughed, rolled my eyes, and relented.

"Okay...dang it. Just one. And by the way, Ovations suck," I whispered then smirked.

I figured I'd play it safe and pull out a tune I'd played a million times. I avoided Dylan in this instance, because most of my favorites had tons of verses. There were lots of people here, and I wanted a short and sweet number. A knot formed in my stomach, and I started shaking just a little. I began strumming the familiar tune in "G" then played the Emn, D intro. I felt people moving in around me. Oh, I hope I don't suck.

_I want to live, I want to give_

_I've been a miner for a heart of gold..._

I finished up the old Neil Young tune and closed my eyes in uncertainty as I strummed the last chord. Applause and whistles formed around me. Now my fear returned to the men around who had knocked back a few.

"W-wow, Bells...just wow," Jake breathed as he stared at me starry eyed. Oh crap.

"Um, thanks Jake." I responded shyly, feeling the familiar flush spread across the apples of my cheeks. I quickly handed the guitar to Sam who was grinning.

"So do you write your own stuff?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, I do...but they really aren't very good." I replied with a shrug hoping that would derail any attempts to get me to lay myself open in front of them like that. Those songs were like my personal diary. I'd only ever played them for mom and a few for Phil.

"Gee, Bella...I think you could sing the word "garbage" and it would sound good," Jacob replied seriously.

I quickly made out to find Charlie in order to avoid the growing unwelcome fanclub. I loved when people enjoyed my music and all, but with men in particular I never was sure how to tell whether it was a real appreciation or sexual in nature. I'd even been hit on by a couple of lesbians in the womens bathroom after I sang lead in a song with "Pipewrench" when I was sixteen. It just made me feel objectified and self-conscious.

Thankfully, we left about a half-hour later.

The next morning I showered, blow-dried and flat-ironed my hair, put on my usual scant makeup. I dressed in my best fitting jeans, a black fitted "the Clash" t-shirt along with black low cut chucks.

I shot off an email to Kate while I was waiting, played with my guitar a bit, then threw my phone, ipod, lipgloss, and my wallet with the money in my bag. Sue had also given me money and a list of things I would need for school. I ate a quick lunch and retouched my lipgloss. Right as I came downstairs there was a knock at the front door.

Alice hugged me tightly as soon as I opened the door. I thought to myself how funny it would have been if it had been Leah and not me. I noticed her outfit was very cute...and if I wasn't mistaken, designer label. I locked the door behind me since everyone else had already left out. I turned to look at Alice's car...and my jaw dropped. It was very Alice...a gorgeous but cute red Audi A5 coupe. I ran out to the car with her and got in before we could get very wet.

"This car is so awesome!" I grinned at her as I smoothed my hand over the plush black leather.

"Thanks! Dad got Edward and I new cars for our 18th this summer. We usually ride in Edward's to school so he got a Volvo. I usually only get to take mine out when I go out of town...like today. We're going to have so much fun!" She beamed as she bounced in her seat.

I couldn't help but grin at her...her enthusiasm was so contagious. We talked a little as we headed out. I found myself being very open with her. I told her about the bonfire, and singing. I even told her about my insecurities about playing in front of men. She mentioned that Esme her mother used to be a concert pianist, and that she had taught Edward, but that Alice had not a musical bone in her body. _Note to self: do not play piano in front of them._

"Speaking of which," she suddenly said. "Do you have your Ipod?"

"Yeah, it's in here, why?" I dug in my purse and produced it.

"I see you like "The Clash." She glanced at my shirt. "I want to know what else you're into. You can tell a lot about a person by what kind of music they like." She grinned as if she were up to something.

She nodded at the first few selections that played and the smile didn't leave her face. She exlaimed that she loved the Pixies song that was on there. "You, my dear are a musician alright. Very diverse, but beautiful and mostly mellow...although you sure have a lot of Dylan on here," she quipped as she flipped through selections. "Which isn't a bad thing...I'm just wondering if there's a reason for that."

"Well, I'm a songwriter. And if you want to be any good...you study the best." I also told her about the amazing concert.

"That is so awesome...I hope you'll play some of your songs for me soon!" she said with begging eyes.

"Sure, I guess so." I smiled. I was sure that no one could turn Alice down for anything.

We had a long day of shopping. Alice made me try on so much stuff and declared that I should replace my staple black with some dark blue...it complimented my porcelain complexion or some such. There was also a point where I flushed pure scarlet when she commented that it was a travesty to hide a figure like mine under tshirts.

"You're legs are a mile long...skirts, Bella...skirts!" She exclaimed as she threw selections at me in the dressing room.

We spent so much time shopping we didn't have time for a movie, but we picked up something quick to eat on the way home...Alice's treat. As were a pair of shoes, a blouse, a dress, a pair of cords, and bra and panty set. I wasn't comfortable with her buying me things, but when she squared me off, stamped her foot and scowled in protest, I relented. For five foot nothing, she could be scary when she didn't get her way.

I found myself really happy around Alice, despite coming to the realization that she took shopping way to seriously. We hugged goodnight and traded cell phone numbers so that she wouldn't have to call the no-privacy house phone.

Sunday turned out to be a gorgeous day. After my shower, I applied the antifrizz serum I picked up the day before and let my hair airdry. I dressed in khaki shorts, a purple flower print top, and purple converse slipons. I spent the morning reading some Jane Austen and organizing my new purchases. School was only a week away, so I wanted to be prepared.

After lunch when I was sure it had dried up enough, I grabbed the Tak and headed out to my special place. I sat on the stump and played a few new songs as well as some of my old standards. I really let myself escape into the music holding nothing back. The solitude of the woods was just so freeing, like I could really put my soul into my music and not be afraid of being judged or attacked. I played a few covers, namely "Leather and Lace", "Nights in White Satin", and finished up with one of my favorite Dylan tunes of all time, "Love-0=No Limit". Feeling carefree, recharged, and righted, I strode happily back to the house.

* * *

**I huge Alice hug and thank you to any and everyone reading this story. Next chapter will be EPOV.**

**All characters in this story are the property of Stephanie Meyer, and all the lyrics belong to their respective authors. **

**Reviews are like red Audi coupes.**


	5. As I Went Out One Morning

**As I Went Out One Morning-**** Bob Dylan**

**As I went out one morning**

**To breathe the air around Tom Paine's**

**I spied the fairest damsel**

**That ever did walk in chains**

**I offer'd her my hand**

**She took me by the arm**

**I knew that very instant**

**She meant to do me harm.**

**"Depart from me this moment"**

**I told her with my voice**

**Said she, "But I don't wish to"**

**Said I, "But you have no choice"**

**"I beg you, sir", she pleaded**

**From the corners of her mouth**

**"I will secretly accept you**

**And together we'll fly south".**

**Just then Tom Paine, himself**

**Came running from across the field**

**Shouting at this lovely girl**

**And commanding her to yield**

**And as she was letting go her grip**

**Up Tom Paine did run**

**"I'm sorry, sir", he said to me**

**"I'm sorry for what she'd done".**

* * *

**EPOV**

I thumped my favorite ball-point pen against the desk in my room and raked my other hand through my hair as I worked on what seemed like the twentieth admissions essay in the past few months. I knew that my father Carlisle would be very well pleased for me to get into his alma mater Dartmouth. And even though I had the highest GPA in our class and had even taken a few dual enrollment college courses along with community service and all of the other things any college would desire in a student, he still wanted me to apply to loads of other schools. Harvard. Johns Hopkins. Columbia. Cornell. U. Wash. Stanford...and about a dozen others.

One of my two best friends Jasper had agreed to apply to my top five schools as well, as he had the second highest GPA, and could probably get in with me. He wanted to go into psychology, and I wanted to go to med school. Not so much to be like Carlisle, but because I really did respect what he did...and I loved the idea of helping people. And maybe a small bit because that's what he really hoped for his only son.

I also loved music like my mother Esme...in fact equally so, but I knew there wasn't much of a living to be had from it. After growing up in a fairly affluent family never needing for anything, or wanting for much, and I was sure the whole "starving musician" thing wouldn't become me. I loved composing especially though, and I loved to hear mom play...it was sheer perfection. I remember looking at her pictures from her days as a concert pianist. The look in her eyes, and the spark of passion in her countenance...it really brought her to life.

It was at such an event in my father's last year of med school that my father was bewitched by and fell in love at first sight with the beautiful, passionate pianist with the billowy caramel curls and fiery green eyes. He was still in his seat gawking while the rest of the audience left when she noticed him staring. She shot him a smile and a wink and that's all it took to launch him out of his seat to scramble onto the stage and ask her out. She was so amused by his antics, she accepted and the rest was history. Alice and I had heard that story every year on their anniversary for 18 years.

I didn't know if such a thing were possible for me. I had only dated a couple of girls from high school, and both really only consisted of a couple of dates before they either annoyed me with incessant chatter and lack of intellect (Tanya) or scared me off by declaring their undying love for me after dinner and a movie (Jessica). Tanya was two years older than me and thankfully was no longer haunting the halls of Forks high. Jessica, on the other hand was a constant thorn in my side, and was still convinced I was in love with her.

I've always been a very driven and focused individual. I guess those two girls were enough to convince me without a doubt not to fall prey to the high school dating dramas everyone else seemed to struggle with. In fact, I made myself a promise...no more dating until I was on into college and doing well. Even if I found someone I could like, it wouldn't be right to start up a relationship that I would most likely just have to end after graduation. I had to make my future my primary concern, and nothing...nothing or no one would challenge my resolve.

Of course my best friends since preschool, Emmett and Jasper, took great pleasure in teasing me. They made all manner of priest jokes and Emmett even taped a playboy centerfold in my locker last year. There was a rumor at one time that I was gay, but when Emmett heard it in the locker room he shoved the kid who was talking about me against the locker and gave him a little talking to. I hadn't heard it since. None of them could understand it, because it seemed like nearly every girl in school had a crush on me, but I made it clear I wasn't interested by thoroughly ignoring them, and being a general jerk if need be.

Anyway, Jasper really couldn't talk. He hadn't dated much more than me, and he admitted to me once that he had a crush on Alice. That was in eighth grade, but I suspected that probably had a lot to do with the fact that the star running-back was dateless most every weekend. And Emmett had it pretty easy since he'd been dating Rosalie since junior high. In ninth grade, Emmett got even luckier when Rosalie filled out and just about everyone claimed she was the hottest girl in school. Busty blonde cheerleader wasn't at all my type, and anyway I had known her since we were kids, though...so she was to me more like a cousin. She put off a "don't mess with me" vibe and was quick to tear down anyone who needed it, but she was really a fiercely loyal friend to those she liked.

Rose and Alice were close friends, but since she and Emmett were together so much, Alice was often stuck with me who couldn't be more her opposite. Alice was energetic, happy, and easy to like. Unfortunately for her, me being her brooding brother who frustrated or offended nearly every girl in school made her very few friends. That was my biggest regret in my plan...how much it affected Alice. I was still lost in my thoughts when I heard a quick rap on my bedroom door.

"Yes?"

Alice bounded in my room and declared, "We have been asked to go to store to pick up some things for dinner tonight."

Before I could open my mouth to speak she continued, "I know you're tired of writing these awful essays." She cast her eyes sadly at my pile and then grinned at me and bounded up and down. "Come on, brother...we need to get you out of this house. I have a feeling it's going to be a good day!"

"At the grocery store..." I deadpanned.

She rolled her eyes and grinned. "Eeeeddwarrd. You know you want to come...I'll let you drive. Please? Please? Pl..."

"Fine, fine Alice...okay. I'll be down in ten minutes," I sighed. I really did want to get out of the house and way from the essays. I changed out of my well worn "London Calling" tshirt, and into a dressier grey tshirt and kept on my same jeans before heading downstairs.

Alice and I got in the new Volvo dad had gotten me for my birthday. It was what I wanted...a practical safe car that was surprisingly fast. Jasper and Emmett had goaded me about getting a mom car until I let them drive it. _Yeah, respect the Volvo lint-lickers_. Plus, Alice had tried to make it better by saying dad got that for me because I would be driving us to school everyday.

Alice fiddled with the radio, which we hardly ever listened to because you could only pick up about four stations here, and only one was any kind of decent. And also, we usually always plugged in our ipods instead.

"What are you doing with the radio, Alice?"

"Oh, I just want to hear something different today...let's see"

Suddenly the strains of John Denver hovered in the car. It was one of his better songs, but still. The melody, I'd grant was beautiful, but I don't know...the mood was just so happy and yeah. One would think by listening to most of his songs that he never had a bad day. It was like musical cotton candy.

"Ahhh, I love this song...so romantic," Alice sighed.

I just rolled my eyes a bit, but smiled anyway. We reached the store before the song was over, and got to shopping. Alice sent me after a box of dad's favorite cereal, Honey Bunches of Oats.

As I rounded the aisle, I heard Alice talking to someone and say my name. I figured if she was talking about me it would probably be one of dad's coworkers, one of mom's friends, or one of ours.

"What about Edward?" I said behind her. I strode around her to put the cereal in the cart and looked up to see who she was talking to.

_Esme's mashed potatoes_. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me as a pair of deep chocolate eyes set in the most beautiful face I had ever seen bore into mine. I tried to catch my breath...I remembered vaguely in the back of my mind that I was supposed to be employing my female distraction avoidance plan, but I couldn't help but take in her rich mahogany chestnutt hair. I barely heard Alice say her name, Bella Swan, then something about her being new at our school. Then against my will, my eyes began to rake south. She was wearing some sort of top that left her creamy shoulders and delicate collarbones bare. _Oh. crap_. Then I took in a pair of short shorts before coasting down a mile of gorgeous legs and then a pair of beautiful feet with purple toenails in sandals. _And...I'm a goner_.

_No. No. No._ _Snap out of it...your future Edward. _I finally got whatever strength I needed to turn my gaze to Alice trying to look bored. Inside, my heart was pounding and I was leaning against the cart to keep my knees from buckling underneath me. Bella left and continued her shopping. I was ready to get out of there...so I told Alice I would wait out in the car for her while she finished. I had to catch some air and get my brain and my body back under control. About ten minutes later, I saw Bella come out of the store and walk directly across the lot from me. I smiled slightly at the thought that here in my car where I was safe, I could watch her without anyone knowing. I laughed as I saw her fiddling with the radio in that ancient truck...turning it up? And then she smiled. So I of course turned the car on, guessing that she was probably listening to the station Alice had it on before unless she was into native american vibes, classical, or country. When I did, I had to smirk at the irony as "Hungry Eyes" played through the speakers.

I helped Alice get the bags in the trunk and she looked at me intently with a huge smirk when we got back in.

"Okay, twin...spill. What was that? You looked really shaken up...I've never seen you like that. And you looked at her like a starved man eyes a T-bone, Edward!"

I turned a lovely shade of ghost then a nice hue of red ripe tomato as I realized I didn't pull off non-chalant as well as I had hoped, and that there was going to be no fooling my little twin sister on the matter of Bella Swan...but darn it all, I would try anyway.

"What? Not hardly, Alice. I guess...I'd just never seen her around before," I stated with a missive wave of my hand.

"Bella seemed really sweet. And she's pretty too...don't you think, Edward?"

"I wouldn't know, Alice," I responded tersely.

She grinned wickedly and I knew I hadn't fooled her one bit, but thankfully she let it drop...for now.

Saturday morning I was downstairs playing Esme's Bosendorfer imperial grand when I saw Alice bound down the stairs dressed up like she was going somewhere. I stopped my fingers on the keys and turned to face her. She was all lit up and grinning like she had a evil plan and a secret. We headed to the kitchen to grab some lunch.

"Shopping?" I asked curiously as I was reheating leftover pasta Esme made the night before. I poured myself a glass of lemonade and took a big sip

"Uh-huh, with Bella."

Lemonade sprayed all over the countertop and I hurried to clean it up as Alice gave me a knowing look. Once we ate a bit and I composed myself, I was able to respond non-chalantly.

"Well...have a good time."

"We will...don't worry." She winked at me and was out the door.

That night, I heard Alice's car pull up from my room and I walked a little too quickly down the stairs. I tried to strike a casual pose on the sofa, but mom gave me a questioning look. Alice finally strode inside and sat next to me but didn't say anything. I felt like I was going to explode from curiosity.

"So...how was your day?" I finally gave up and asked.

"Oh, Edward...I had so much fun! She is so cool...you have no idea. She has awesome taste in music...in fact she writes her own songs. And plays guitar and piano. She nearly reveres Bob Dylan, and when I asked her why she said, 'When you're a songwriter, you study the best'. And she had a "The Clash" tshirt on, and she is just so kind and sort of introverted. But, she's so honest and open..." she rambled on and on about her and everything they did.

I just sort of sat there trying to process everything Alice said. Part of me was hoping that the universe would be kind and that Bella would be dim-witted, ill-tempered, loose with men, covered in warts, a pathological liar, anything really to make it harder for me to be interested in her. But, instead, each detail Alice told me about her flipped on all of my switches one by one. For a moment I wondered if I would get to hear her music. I managed a "That's nice, Alice I'm really glad you have a new friend" before heading upstairs putting on my nearly threadbare "London Calling" shirt and downloading a few Bob Dylan songs. _Good grief...I'm becoming such a John Denver._

The next morning I finished up an essay, and played a video game. After lunch I decided to take a walk down a trail behind our house where there were a few acres of woods, most of them our property. I enjoyed the solitude of the woods immensely. It helped me clear my head and think straight...and if there was any time I needed that, it was now. I couldn't get her out of my head. The last several nights my dreams had been haunted by a pair of wide, beautiful brown eyes. I allowed myself to wonder very briefly if this was anywhere near what dad had experienced when he met mom. But I quickly changed my path of thought...he was nearly done with med school...it was the right time. This...this fascination I had with her was at the worst possible time. Nothing good could come of it.

As I strengthened my resolve and walked a little further down the path, I heard heavenly strains of melody floating from somewhere further down the path. I quickened my steps to get closer and investigate, and it got louder as I got closer. I stopped cold when I saw her in a clearing with a few trees sitting on a huge stump. I was still some distance away...but I could see and hear her clearly. Her voice was like warm sweet honey mixed thick with emotion and soul and laced with sensuality. I had never heard anything like it. She finger picked a song I had never heard...it sounded like a bluesy folk song. Her eyes were closed and the song reverberated across the clearing and through the woods.

I couldn't have moved if my life depended on it. It was as if her phrases were chains lashing me to the tree I braced myself on. She sang a few songs I think I heard before, and I knew I'd be googling when I got home. She was singing one I knew better than the others and my heart soared and sank at the same time as her voice ached out...

_and I love you, yes I love you, ohhh how I love you._

Because then I knew. I would hurt her. Even if I could earn her heart and give her mine, I would only have to take it all away in a very short period of time. Then, I thought of Alice...she finally had a friend. I couldn't take that from her...I'd already taken so much in my selfishness. And that was it. If it was up to my usual selfish nature, I could show my attentions and feelings to Bella. I could use her love until it was time to let it go. But I couldn't...and so, I wouldn't. Not to her. She deserved better than that. I already cared enough about her to know that much. I would be invisible Edward...to everyone else and to her. I would have to perform my best acting with Alice...but it could be done. I stayed until she got up and strode happily down the trail to her house, then I dragged home with the memory of her knowing it was all I would ever have.

* * *

**AN: Thank you to all of you who continue to read this story, for your awesome comments that encourage me, for favoriting this story, and for just being all-around fantastic.**

**A big shout out to amandamcgee for pestering me for another chapter and pimping out my story. **

**The "I love you" lyrics at the end come from the song "Nights in White Satin" by the moody blues. **

**Reviews are better than Esme's mashed potatoes. **


	6. I Can't Believe You

**I Can't Believe You (He Acts Like We've Never Met) **

**Bob Dylan (pronouns changed to fit BPOV)**

**It's all new t' me,**

**Like some mystery,**

**It could even be like a myth.**

**Yet it's hard t' think on,**

**That he's the same one**

**That last night I was with.**

**From darkness, dreams're deserted,**

**Am I still dreamin' yet?**

**I wish he'd unlock**

**His voice once an' talk,**

**'Stead of acting like we never have met.**

**If he ain't feelin' well,**

**Then why don't he tell**

**'Stead of turnin' his back t' my face?**

**Without any doubt,**

**He seems too far out**

**For me t' return t' his chase.**

**Though the night ran swirling an' whirling,**

**I remember his whispering yet.**

**But evidently he don't**

**An' evidently he won't,**

**He just acts like we never have met.**

* * *

The last week before start of the new school year was to begin went by quickly. I performed my chores with surprisingly little griping from Sue...a relatively little chiding on amounts of bleach to use in the towels, and instructions on upholstery cleaning. I cooked Tuesday and Thursday nights which had become my two nights to cook on the new chore chart issued for when school started. There seemed to be about half the chore load as summertime. Apparently, as long as I was at school or working, Sue was willing to take up the slack. The weather didn't cooperate all week to allow any trips to my stump...in fact to add to the constant rain, the weather had begun to turn cooler. On Tuesday night I called Renee, and she sounded really tired...more than I'd ever heard her. She slurred a bit that she was okay when I insisted that she tell me what was wrong. She just said she had been working longer hours.

On Wednesday I nearly squealed as my phone rang out with Florence and the Machine's "Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up)", signaling that Alice was calling. We talked for a while, and she confided in me about a boy from school she had carried a torch for since Jr. High named Jasper. She said he was best friends with her brother Edward the gorgeous. I talked about my glee over less chores, and my worry about Renee. It was getting easier and easier to talk to Alice.

"Bella, we so need some girl time! I told my mom all about you, and she wants to meet you. She told me she'd love it if you came over after school and you can even stay for dinner. How's Wednesday for you?"

"That sounds awesome, Alice. I'll ask Sue and dad, but it shouldn't be any trouble."

"Great!" she squealed. "Dad and mom won't get home until 4:30 or so, and Edward will probably be at Jaspers until around 5:00, so it will be just us until then. You can play the Bosendorfer!"

"Holy snot, Alice...a Bosendorfer?! Uh, you know I don't like playing in front of people...especially not your concert pianist mom and classically trained brother..."

"Whoa, hey...it will just be you and me, okay? Pleeeaaase? Oh, and I'll get to take my car that day...yes!" 

"Okay, okay. I don't think I could ever turn you down. But you don't understand...I play mostly by ear, and what if I break it?" I whined.

"Psshh, whatever Bella. Anyhoo...you and me for girl time on Wednesday after school. And you will play me a song, isn't that right Bella Swan?"

"Yes, your Aliceness. I really can't wait to meet your mom...and hanging with you will be fun of course," I joked.

I spent the rest of the week mostly getting everything ready for school, and going through the motions. But my mind was in Pheonix worried about my mom. I'd never heard her like that, and for the life of me I couldn't figure out what could be going on with her. Saturday night, Leah went out with Paul, and Seth stayed the weekend with his friend Embry out at LaPush. I was in my room playing around with the Tak, working on a song. I jumped when I heard the strains of "Trash, Trampoline, and the Party Girl" by U2 coming from my phone. Renee, calling on a Saturday night? I threw myself across the room and answered the phone.

When I asked her why she wasn't with Phil at his gig, she said she just didn't feel like going. She then said she thought she must have had the flu or something. She sounded much better, so that made more since to me. Something just didn't sit right with me, but I chose not to dwell on it. I told her I hoped she felt better soon, and to call me in a few days and let me know how she was doing.

Sunday night found me showering, laying out my clothes for the night, and crashing into my bed. Of course, I dreamed of green eyes...

The next morning, I woke up fairly early and went ahead to eat a bowl of cereal, even though Leah and Seth weren't up yet. I dressed in skinny jeans, my Sedona, Arizona baseball tee with purple 3/4 length sleeves (which I thought was funny, seeing as I would be fielding the "where are you from?"question all day), and my purple converse low-tops. I straightened my hair and applied mascara and the new lipgloss Alice had coerced me into buying.

Leah, Seth and I walked quickly out to Leah's bimmer as she griped about us getting her seats wet. Seth sat up front with her, and I sat in the back. Leah hooked up her ipod and cranked up her radio. I sighed and rolled my eyes as Lady Gaga blared through the speakers. Seth cringed a bit and looked back at me apologetically. I didn't say anything, but thought to bide my time analyzing the lyrics of "Poker Face". I swear I think there are like two songwriters in LA who put out all of this crap full of idiotic cliches and then promoters pump it to the mindless masses. This was going to be a long school year. _Note to self: ride with Alice as much as possible_.

We pulled up to Forks High, which was significantly smaller than my school in Pheonix. Seth showed me to the office where I saw a middle aged red-haired woman typing behind a desk. The plaque on the front of the desk said "Mrs. Cope". I addressed her and asked for my schedule.

"Oh, you must be the new student, Isabella Swan," she noted politely and I nodded. "I noticed you took all AP classes in Pheonix. I regret that we do not offer them here, but that should make for an easier Senior year for you," she quipped as she handed me the paper. I thanked her and took note of the schedule and directions before heading to my first class, French 1.

I took the required two years of Spanish in Pheonix...it was necessary for survival there, with it's proximity to Mexico. I wondered if that was the case with French here, as Canada bordered the north. I took my seat beside a friendly looking girl with brown hair and glasses who introduced herself as Angela Weber. I saw a beautiful girl with blonde hair and a gorgeous body sashay in and all the boys in the class sat up a little straighter. She plopped down in front of me, but she didn't introduce herself. _And I feel utterly "wallflower" today._

The next period was Calculus, which didn't seem like it would be as difficult as my AP Advanced Math class last year. I didn't see anyone in that class that I recognized, and was growing increasingly more disappointed that I hadn't spotted Edward yet, or Alice for that matter.

The latter was assuaged when Alice bounded into my English class. I hugged her and she sat right next to me before telling me Jasper was in my calculus class. We whispered back and forth when we were sure that Mr. Banner wasn't looking, but we ended up getting shooshed about 15 minutes before the bell rang. Alice told me that she would meet me at my locker so we could go to lunch together. She was excited to introduce me to another friend of hers. I wasn't worried about that, but I was hoping to finally get to see her lovely brother today. I wondered if he would look at me again...or even talk to me. I only hoped if he did, that I would already be sitting down so I wouldn't have to worry about my legs turning into spaghetti in front of him.

I had Civics right after, and noticed the blonde girl from my French class holding hands with a huge burly guy...probably a football player. He would look intimidating to the extreme if it weren't for his cherubic face complete with dimples. They sat beside each other a few rows behind me. I tried really hard to stay awake in that class. The teacher had this annoying monotone voice...I hadn't comprehended anything he said at all. I would have to stick with the textbook in this class...it seemed like he was reading it, albeit quite dryly, verbatim. Finally the bell rang and I met Alice by my locker, and she lead me to the cafeteria, chatting happily about being seated behind Jasper in Physics. We got our food, and walked to a large round table in the corner of the room where the beautiful blonde, the brawny dimpled football dude, a good-looking guy with wavy blonde hair, and the star of my recent dreams as well as the muse of several of my songs were already seated.

They all looked up at me as I approached with Alice, but Edward's eyes quickly left and he seemed once again disinterested. Alice introduced me and I learned their names were Rosalie Hale, Emmett McCarty, Jasper Whitlock, and of course Edward. Jasper nodded at me in recognition and mentioned seeing me in Calculus. Emmett gave me a big goofy smile that further showcased his dimples and shook my hand. Rosalie greeted me warmly when she realized I was the girl Alice had been dying for her to meet. Edward spoke lowly to Jasper and didn't acknowledge me.

Alice excitedly relayed the details of our shopping trip to Rosalie and how much fun we had before declaring, "Oh, Rose...you have to come with us next time. It would be even more awesome!"

"Yes, definitely!" Rosalie replied.

We continued our girl talk until the bell rang and I headed off to my least favorite class...P.E. About halfway through, a blonde haired girl wearing a lot of makeup and smacking on gum walked up to me along with a girl with mouse brown hair who appeared to be her friend.

"Hey...Isabella, right?"

"Bella...just Bella," I replied eyeing them hesitantly.

"Oh, okay. Well, hi Bella. I'm Jessica, and this is Lauren. I saw you sitting with Alice and Rosalie at lunch...are you guys like friends?"

"Yeah, Alice and I are good friends. I just met Rosalie today."

"I guess you've met Alice's brother, Edward then..."

"Yes, I've met him, but he kind of ignores me so..." I wondered where this conversation was going.

She laughed. "Oh, he's like that with every girl." Then she started whispering. "The truth is, Edward and I used to date in tenth grade. He was really in love with me, but I got bored and broke up with him. He just never got over it. He hasn't dated anyone else since." To say I was stunned with her revelation would be an understatement. _Note to self: ask Alice about this. _

"Oh," was all I could think of to say.

"But I've got my eye on another prize. That is Mike Newton," she said reverently as she nodded to a blonde guy doing layups on the other side of the gym. "Well, good to meet you, Bella. Talk to you later."

I walked into my sixth period Physics class to find the seating was assigned. I found my seat, and as I turned my head to the door, I saw Edward walk briskly in and quickly look for his seat. He stared at his seat for a few seconds before sitting right next to me. He looked slightly angry, but continued to sit next to me as if I didn't exist. I turned my head back to the front of the class and tried to be oblivious to the warmth I felt coming from him and my goose-pimpled skin. I'm pretty sure I was blushing, and was infinitely glad for my AP math courses that was sure to make Physics a lot easier for me. Because I was sure that I would be very distracted this year.

After a final stint in the library for study hall, which thankfully gave me ample time to finish my homework, I reluctantly went to seek out Leah and her precious car for a ride home. After surviving Katy Perry and Lil Wayne, a song came on that was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. There was no way I was going to make it every morning and evening listening to this. I couldn't help myself.

"What is this crap you're listening to?" I asked incredulously. I heard Seth snicker.

"This is Heidi Montag, thank you very much."

"No offense, Leah, but a dim-witted tv starlet and autotune do not a good song make," I retorted. Seth started rolling in laughter in the front seat.

"You know she's right, Leah...this chick sucks," he guffawed.

"Listen you twirps...this is my car, and my damned radio...clear? And if you don't like it...you can both take a hike," she screeched.

Seth was unsuccessfully trying to reign in his laughter. I glared out the window and tried to think of torture methods for Leah that wouldn't get me killed or kicked out.

I spent the rest of the day taking out my frustrations on my chores. The thing is it wasn't just Leah's crappy taste in music and her ardent desire to inflict it on me that had me so aggravated. I tried to pin down what else was there when it came to me...it was Edward. How dare he ignore me? I mean, he didn't have to like me, but as his twin sister's friend couldn't he at least be civil? What a prick! The first time we met he gave me the "once over". Did he find me too plain and uninteresting to even look at ever again, much less talk to? And Jessica...apparently they had dated before. Was he still in love with her?

My thoughts continued on their distracted and aggravated course throughout the evening. So much so, that I wasn't interested in playing the Tak at all. I finally resolved that I would just thoroughly avoid him in turn, and just try to be happy with not one but two new budding friendships with Alice and Rose.

* * *

**AN: I do not own these characters. I just enjoy being their puppeteer for a little while. **

**Thank you to all of you faithful readers, followers, reviewers, and favoriters...sweethearts! like:**

**addictedtoOTH, greendayfan500, mrscullen1901x, Lawsy89, BloodSucker96, PatchsFallenAngel, amandamcgee, justafan00, RoSaDbAdAsSgUaRdAiNs, & kool kat132**

**Love & hugs!**

**Sarah**


	7. Never Gonna Be the Same Again

**Never Gonna Be The Same Again**

**Bob Dylan (Empire Burlesque 1985)**

**Now you're here beside me, baby,**

**You're a living dream.**

**And every time you get this close**

**It makes me want to scream.**

**You touched me and you knew**

**That I was warm for you and then,**

**I ain't never gonna be the same again.**

**Sorry if I hurt you, baby,**

**Sorry if I did.**

**Sorry if I touched the place**

**Where your secrets are hid.**

**But you meant more than everything,**

**And I could not pretend,**

**I ain't never gonna be the same again.**

* * *

Tuesday found me in a hurry as I woke up about twenty minutes later than usual. I quickly dressed in a slightly off-the-shoulder pink top with black jeans and my black low-tops before pulling my hair up in a loose bun.

I prepared myself for Leah-pop torture by bringing along my ipod and praying that it would be loud enough to drown out the suckage that is Leah's taste in music. Well, it helped a little anyway. I barely heard the hormonal wailing of Britney Spears over the Beatles and Kate Bush.

The resolve I gained the previous night put me in a much better mood. At least I knew what to expect. I've always been a person that tends to imagine the worst case scenario, just so that I'm prepared for anything. It's just the stuff that catches me off guard, like Edward's odious behavior yesterday, that freaks me out.

I was able to talk to Rosalie and Angela more in French. I remembered feeling so plain next to Rosalie just the day before, and now we were quickly on our way to becoming friends. We talked about me going to Alice's the following day, and she said Alice had asked her too, but she had cheerleading practice. But she did tell me that a sleepover weekend for all of us at Rose's was in the works in a few weeks. I was relieved that it would be at Rose's and not at Alice's. I just didn't think I could handle that yet.

I took my seat in Calculus and saw that Jasper was in this class too. He strode past

me as he smiled and waved, and I did likewise. He sat a row over and a few seats behind me. A boy with dark hair and glasses who sat directly to my right tapped me on my shoulder. I turned to face him. He was average looking, I'd suppose. He seemed kind of nervous.

"G-good morning, Bella," he said seeming quite relieved and letting out a whoosh of air after he finished.

"Good morning...." I realized he hadn't said his name although he seemed to know mine. I was sure I hadn't been introduced. I heard a chuckle behind me and glanced back to see it came from Jasper.

"Oh, yeah...um, I'm uh E-Erik Yorkie."

"Okay, nice to meet you Erik." _That was really...awkward?_

Erik smiled at me as I noticed his face was quite red. I gave him a quick flash of a smile in return before trying to busy myself with Calculus.

In English, Alice and I talked covertly. I told her about the Erik kid and Jasper laughing. We talked a bit about going to her house the next day, as she reassured me that it would just be us for a couple of hours, and that Esme was so excited to meet me.

Fourth period was really odd. Rose waved to me before sitting next to Emmett. I recognized Mike from the gym who had his head ducked in talking privately with another fairly good looking dark haired boy. They laughed then Mike looked over before I could turn away and winked at me. I looked down at my desk, but couldn't help peeking over a few times because I had that feeling like you're being stared at. Sure enough, every time I glanced over, both boys were looking at me. I was starting to think the boys in this school had a complex of weird and irrational behavior.

Lunch found me sitting between Rosalie and Alice chatting away about our upcoming sleepover. We decided to do it the weekend after next. I glanced over at Edward whose attention was raptly engaged in a conversation with Jasper and Emmett, and he was yet again looking incensed. _Surprise, surprise_. I turned my attentions back to my girls as we talked about movies we could watch, and girly things we could do, like mani's and pedi's. Alice made me promise to bring the Tak, and filled Rosalie in on my music when she seemed out of the loop. Rosalie said she couldn't wait. I found myself excited too.

Fifth period P.E. was fairly uneventful except that Mike and the other guy from Civics winked at me from the bench as they tied their laces before jumping up to play basketball. Jessica and Lauren giggled as they watched them from our side of the gym. Luckily, they seemed to miss the gesture from the boys to me.

I noticed Edward was already seated as I walked into Physics, and he had moved his seat just a little more away from mine. I just took my seat, and because I had come to see him as the most beautiful jerk of my acquaintance, flashed a sarcastic smirk right at him before turning my attention to the front.

I finished up my homework in the library, and survived the ride home in Leah's Bimmer-of-torture knowing that the next day, I would be riding with Alice.

I clipped my ipod to my pocket, put in the earbuds, and got started on my chores. I was trying to think of a piano song to play as I folded laundry, and knew that on my first time playing a Bosendorfer, I had to play a Tori song. I finally settled on one of the probably three by her I had ever played before.

After I finished cooking and we ate, I printed off the lyrics, and got my keyboard out of the closet and practiced wearing headphones. I hated playing a keyboard...the weight of the keys was all wrong, and mine especially wasn't a very good one. But after a few runthroughs my fingers seemed to remember what they were doing.

The next morning I dressed in a white cami under a cute top Alice made me get. It was purple, had cutouts all around the collar and came in the waist made of elastic while the rest flared a bit at my hip. I paired it with skinny jeans and black wedge peeptoes.

The day went by fairly quickly, I guess because I was a little nervous about going to Alice's after school. Alice fervently approved of my outfit. I reminded her that she picked it out. The guys were all still acting strange...what with the winking, ignoring, laughing, and nervous conversations.

I was walking out of the library doors as the bell rang anxious to spend time with Alice. We hopped in her car as she blasted some Pat Benatar. I smiled widely and high fived her. _And that's how chick music is done, ladies and gentlemen. _I saw Edward glance over at us before getting in his car with Jasper.

We pulled up at the Cullen's and I was stunned by their house. I've always been a more sensible person always happy with having what I need. I've never been interested in luxury per se, and have even been known to speak out against materialism. However, their house was large but tasteful...elegant, but homey.

We walked in and I followed Alice as she took me on a quick tour before taking me up to her room. It was really beautiful and painted in neutrals with shades of red here and there. She had a large bathroom right off of her room. She took me in there, applied something to my hair, and used a large barreled curling iron before finishing it up with some sort of super shiny hairspray. I looked in the mirror impressed as soft frizz-free waves cascaded down my back and shoulders.

She then drug me downstairs into the family room when I saw the Bosendorfer by a large floor to ceiling bay window. I walked up to it reverently and ran my hand over it. Alice bounced on her heels and came over to help sit me on the bench. 

"Well?"

"Alice, are you sure about this?"

"Of course, Bella. Pleaaassssee?"

I nodded and turned to face the giant. I tested the pitch and played a few chords to get the feel of it. I began the discordant notes in the intro before laying into the chords beginning in Emj and started singing.

_Excuse me but can I be you for a while, my dog won't bite if you sit real still_

_I got the antichrist in the kitchen yelling at me again, yeah I can hear it_.

I finished the first verse and tore into the chorus as I took the bass chords an octave lower because I like the effect better than the mainly treble original. I was so into it because the piano sounded phenomenal, even under my amateur hands.

_What if I'm a mermaid in these jeans of his with her name still on it, hey_

_but I don't care cause sometimes, I said sometimes I hear my voice and it's been here...silent all these years._

I had been silent all these years with the music that longed to escape me. I played the next block of the intro and finished up the second verse before railing passionately into the bridge.

_Years go by will I still be waiting for somebody else to understand?_

_Years go by where I'm stripped of my beauty and the orange clouds raining in my head. _

_Years go by will I choke on my tears till finally there is nothing left?_

_One more casualty you know we're too easy, easy. _

I finished the last verse and was totally connecting with the song putting my whole heart into the final chorus as my hands flew confidenly over the keys. I took the song down as the end approached and finished with the last chord as I hung my head with emotion.

After a few seconds a number of things happened all at once. I heard a gasp from behind me just as Alice flew to hug me with tears rolling down her cheeks. I saw a flash out of the corner of my eye of bronze hair tearing up the stairs and a door slamming. My heart started pounding relentlessly heading into full on panic attack mode as I tried to put together what just happened. A calm warm voice behind me spoke.

"Alice, dear is this your Bella?"

"Oh, mom...yeah this is her. What are you guys doing home?"

"Well, I got out earlier than planned, although...I wasn't expecting Edward to be here until dinner time..."

I froze mortified. This is the exact scenario I was trying to avoid. A classically trained professional pianist and her probably just as nearly perfect pianist son hearing me play a song by ear about being the other woman getting knocked up by your boyfriend, on their piano that cost nearly as much as this house. _Fan-freaking-tastic._ My inner monolouge, however, was interrupted.

"Dear me, Bella...that was exquisite! You really are very talented, sweetheart. I've rarely heard such a powerful performance. I so wish Carlisle could have heard that...you will play for us again sometime, yes?"

"I, uh..." I was still frozen when Alice saved me.

"Bella has a little bit of an issue playing in front of people...especially men. I assured her that no one would be here, and that's why she agreed to play for me. She isn't very confident in her piano abilities...it's not her main instrument." Alice explained.

Esme came over to me and pulled me into a hug.

"Oh, sweetheart...I don't know what happened, but you can't keep that talent hidden. You play beautifully, sweetheart. And can I just say, piano may not be your main instrument, but the way you just played your heart out... the music and emotion flowing so openly through you...it isn't any wonder you feel so exposed when you play. But darling, it's such a gift. Any old person can play note for note with a lifetime of training. What you are doing is powerful, magical. Just remember that your gift was given to you for a reason, okay?"

I was so stunned and touched by her words. She seemed like she really understood what it was like. I got up from the piano bench and smiled at her.

"Thank you, Esme, of course. Would you play something for me now...that is if you have time? It would make me feel a lot better."

She smiled widely and hugged me again.

"Tell you what...let me get dinner going, and I'll come right back and play for you, alright?"

I beamed and nodded. Alice was once again nearly picking me up in a hug.

"Bella...I've never heard anything like that. I knew you'd be good, but I had no idea. I'm sorry...I really didn't think they would come home."

"It's okay, Alice. I think it may have been worth the embarassment to play this amazing instrument." I lovingly brushed my fingertips over the surface of the piano. "I'm glad your mom is so sweet and generous as to let me play it...but, I'm sorry if I upset Edward."

I sadly cast my eyes up toward the staircase.

"Don't you worry about him. Anyway...I guarantee you he isn't angry about you playing the piano. Whatever his problem is, it's just that...his problem. It's not you, okay? I'm his twin...I know these things. Please promise me you will play for at least me and mom again."

"Sure thing, Alice. I think I'm beginning to not care so much what other people think. And if I have you and Esme around, maybe I'll feel safer."

Esme came back in the room beaming at us and taking a seat on the bench.

"Oh, Bella...I'm so glad Alice has a friend like you. Now, let's see..."

She gave a gentle wave like movement of her wrist before touching her fingers expertly on the keys and began playing a sweet melodic tune. 

"Debussy...Claire De Lune. Dad's favorite." Alice whispered.

I was entranced by the happy, warm emotion radiating from the song. Esme came to life when she played...it was a sight to behold. She played the final notes before a soothing low voice spoke behind us. _Deja vous._

"Ah, beautiful darling...my favorite."

He crossed over past us and took her into his arms in a loving embrace. Carlisle was a tall and very handsome distinguished looking man with blonde hair and bright blue eyes that matched Alice's.

"Dinner is just about ready. Then we'll have to tell you all about our sweet Bella here," Esme said to him as she winked at me.

Esme asked Alice and I to set the table as she disappeared upstairs. About fifteen minutes later, she came back down with Edward in tow.

"Good evening, Bella," Edward spoke quietly as we all walked into the dining room.

I was so shocked that he spoke to me that I could only nod in return. I took a seat next to Alice, and Edward sat across from us with Esme and Carlisle on either end.

Esme and Alice owned much of the conversation, as I stayed in a continual state of blush as they carried on about my talent. Carlisle looked amused. Alice then told him about my Bob Dylan fascination.

"Oh, really...I'm quite the Dylan fan myself. What are your top five favorites, Bella?"

"Um, well...first would be 'Sara'...it's such a hauntingly beautiful song about his wife. Next would probably be 'Lay Down Your Weary Tune', then 'Dark Eyes', 'Love Minus Zero/No Limit', then...probably 'Girl From the North Country'. "

His eyes shone as he nodded.

"All very good selections. I would add, 'Sad Eyed Lady of the Lowlands', 'It's Alright, Ma', 'As I Went Out One Morning', 'Don't Think Twice', and 'Oh, Sister'."

I nodded emphatically telling him he very nearly rounded out my top ten. I looked over at Edward noticing him pushing a pea around on his plate looking like he was trying to figure out a difficult problem. Suddenly he looked up and our eyes locked and held for a few seconds before he turned his attention back to the poor little pea.

Carlisle seemed to notice his son's odd behavior looking at once to Edward, then to me, then finally at Esme before breaking out a smirk.

* * *

**AN: Thanks for your patience. For it, your reward is a mega chapter...for me anyway. **

**A few things to mention. I don't own these characters. The song Bella sings is called "Silent All These Years" by Tori Amos. I actually learned it last week for this chapter. I've been playing it all week on my old upright (the one that needs a tune and has a sticky "F" key). It really isn't that bad, considering. **

**Check my twitter page for video links of songs, pics of clothing, etc.**

**Thanks so much to my reviewers, followers, and favoriters. I hope I don't leave anyone out. If I do shout it out in a review, and I'll be happy to mention you in the next chapter. I will do this as long as there are a manageable number. These are the guys that favorited, reviewed, or followed since last chapter.**

**So, love to my peeps who have awesome taste in music! Rockstars! Like:**

**XxgodzillasaysgrrxX,shorty1773,deadra,greendayfan500,xxteamcullenforeverxx, & cutenesslover**

**Reviews are like $150,000 pianos...yeah! Beat that!**


	8. Cold Irons Bound

**Cold Irons Bound **

**(Bob Dylan- Time Out of Mind 1997)**

**The walls of pride are high and wide**

**Can't see over to the other side**

**It's such a sad thing to see beauty decay**

**It's sadder still, to feel your heart torn away**

**One look at you and I'm out of control**

**Like the universe has swallowed me whole**

**I'm twenty miles out of town in Cold irons bound**

* * *

**EPOV**

The first week of school could only be described as a battle of epic proportions against myself. I did not see her Monday until lunch when the whole table looked up to see her approach. I was prepared for her to join our table, but not so much for the slow-mo goddess like entrance that caused every head in the cafeteria to pop up and pay attention, including yours truly.

It was relatively easy afterward to at least appear to be oblivious to her, but I was acutely attuned to their conversation. Alice had suggested that I go to Jasper's Wednesday until it was time for dinner, and I agreed. I reasoned that the less time I was in her presence, the better.

Just when I thought I had this day in the bag, I walked into Physics and saw her out of the corner of my eye. I knew Mr. Simpson was fond of assigning seats at random, and was horrified as I found mine to be right next to Bella. _I'm screwed_.

The whole class was like some sort of medieval torture customized just for me. Each breath of her sweet scent, sound she made, shift in her seat...torture. There was no escaping my reaction to her proximity...it was the closest I had ever been to her. It was like a magnetic field surrounded her and every cell in my body was constructed of iron fillings. _See? I guess I was learning something in Physics that day_.

I noticed her at our table on Tuesday, and resolved to kill Alice if she had anything to do with Bella's purchase of that off-shoulder pink top. I was listening surreptitiously to the girls' conversation, when Jasper started snickering leaned in to get our attention.

"Dudes...you should have seen it in Calc. That Yorkie kid has it bad for Bella. I thought homeslice was going to blow a gasket just saying 'hi' to her!"

"Yeah," Emmett jumped in. "Newton and Crowley were creepy in Civics...they didn't peel their greasy eyeballs off of her the whole period. Poor girl." He laughed.

I guess they both noticed when I turned a few shades darker and I started firing off hateful glares in the offending morons' directions. They looked at me, then grinned at each other.

"Not that I can't see what the deal is...Bella's a sure 'nuff hottie, huh Eddie? Too bad I'm with Rosie. How about you, Jazz?" Emmett teased.

I stared them down and then just rolled my eyes as they laughed at my expense. I decided on a change of subject tactic.

"So, you're riding with me tomorrow, right?" I aimed at Jasper. 

"Yeah, sure." He was still laughing. _Really funny jerkholes. _

I made sure to arrive as early as possible to Physics and moved my seat as far away from her as possible without Mr. Simpson saying something to me about it. That moved me slightly closer to an unfortunate looking girl with acne, glasses, and stringy blonde hair named Bree. She grinned hugely at me. I just sort of cringed and looked back up to the front.

Bella walked in and paused seeming to notice the extra distance. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, i saw her level a beautiful but chilling smile directly at me. She then turned her attention to the front, and her aggravation and resolve was nearly palpable.

Wednesday morning I picked up Jasper and we headed to school. He looked at me strangely. As the second song played, his eyes bulged.

"Dude, Eve 6? What is up with you?"

"What?"

"'Think Twice'? You're not usually into such angry music, my man. Dude...do you like someone?"

"What are you talking about, Jasper? You make this assumption based on the songs I'm listening to?"

"Well, you can tell a lot about a person by what they listen to, but no...not just that. You've been acting weird lately. I've known you for over ten years. You were giving Newton the stinkeye yesterday, and you know it. Since he didn't piss in your Cheerios..."

"I've never liked Newton, that's nothing new. I've just had a lot on my mind, Jasper...you know how it's been for me with college stuff hanging over my head..." _Half truth, but it's all you're getting._

"Yeah, I guess," he said uncertainly.

_I'm a better liar than I thought. _

The minute I saw Bella enter the cafeteria, I knew her outfit was Alice's idea. Yesterday, I wanted to kill Alice. Today, I didn't know whether to choke her or kiss her. Bella's flawless figure was perfectly framed by her jeans and she looked so sweet and feminine in her top. Her shoes made her legs look even longer.

I swear she looked like a model with all the right curves. Of course, because high schools are severely lacking in supermodels, I knew I wasn't the only male in her vicinity noticing how well she looked. I did a quick scan of the room, and of course...I was right. Copious amounts of drool and glazed over expressions focused right on her. _Just kill me now_.

She completely ignored me in Physics, and I only looked at her two, no three times that hour.

After school let out I made my way out to the parking lot and glanced over at Alice's car. I let a small smile creep over my face as I took in their huge grins and girly laughing while listening to some chick rock song.

I got in the Volvo and waited for Jasper. "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" was playing from the angsty and admittedly emo playlist I put together this week. When I finally saw him walking slowly to the car, I could tell something was off with him.

"Hey, what's wrong, man?"

"Uggh...I think it was that calzone I ate at lunch. I've hurled like four times," he moaned.

I looked at him like he had two heads.

"Don't worry chum-nuts...I won't ralph in your car, k?"

I drove him home and helped him to the couch before heating him up some soup, giving him a trashcan, and putting a gatorade next to him.

"Thanks, dude," he groaned.

I cranked up my radio when Cruxshadow's "Winterborn" came on. _Prepare for battle, indeed._ That's exactly what it felt like I was walking into, and indeed what I had been going through since I met Bella. I've been fighting this unnatural draw to her, that I neither understood or wanted.

I knew Alice would be a little ticked about me coming home early, but what could I do? I pulled up to the house and entered the door to the kitchen. I stopped in there to get something to drink. A few minutes later, I heard Alice and Bella come downstairs, and enter the family room.

I was planning to silently escape to my room until dinner, when I heard a few chords and notes played randomly on the piano. Then I heard a series of discordant notes before I heard a beautiful voice that I would know anywhere carry over a series of delicate chords. I slipped from the kitchen quietly until I could see her, then just like in the woods...I was rendered immobile by what i was seeing and hearing.

My heart seemed to stop when she reached the chorus, and resumed erratically as she went into the next verse. Her voice was passionate and breathy...powerful, but vulnerable. Her voice rose surely during the bridge, and although I had never heard this song before, I knew it was now one of my favorite songs in the world. I faintly noticed mom coming in the front door as Bella brought the song down for the final verse and chorus.

I could tell she was probably playing by ear, a completely different method than I had ever heard. But combined with her voice, it was the most beautiful song I had ever heard played on the Bosendorfer...and that's saying something. She played the final chord and hung her head. I saw mom staring intently at Bella, and then she whipped around to see me. She gasped, and I dashed up the stairs and flew into my room.

I sat on the edge of my bed and clutched my stomach as I tried to regain control of my faculties. The battle was raging full on, and I was losing...big time. I had never wanted anything more in my life than the plan I had maintained since I was a little boy...make nearly perfect grades, go to medical school, do my residency, get a good job, make my father proud, then marry the girl of my dreams. But for about five minutes downstairs, I wanted something else more...Bella Swan.

I heard mom playing "Clair de Lune" downstairs. It was beautiful and perfectly done, but it could not compare in my eyes. A few minutes after the playing stopped there was a knock at my door.

"Come in." It was mom. _Poker face, Cullen._

"Son, are you alright?"

"Yeah, ma...I'm good."

"You certainly didn't look good in the hallway...you looked like you had seen a ghost. And, it was really rude of you to storm up here like that...especially when we have a guest."

"Sorry, mom."

"Well, it's time for dinner, and you will speak politely to Bella when you come downstairs. She is Alice's friend, and a sweet and wonderful girl. Are we clear?"

"Sure, mom."

I solemnly followed my mom to the dining room, and as soon as I saw Bella, I bid her good evening. I realized this is the first thing I had ever said directly to her. She just nodded.

I listened quietly at dinner as mom and Alice filled dad in on Bella's general awesomeness. I can't say that they exaggerated at all, but dad seemed intrigued enough by their banter.

I was quite surprised when dad engaged Bella in a discussion about Bob Dylan songs. I listened intently as I focused on a pea with a spot on it residing on my plate. I mentally stored her favorites to look up later. I knew that she had to have excellent tastes in music, and her favorite songs by her favorite artist had to be great.

I looked up from my plate and our eyes locked. Her caramel and chocolate eyes melted and I was temporarily struck helpless. _So much better than staring at the pea_. That thought gave me enough mental capacity to focus back on my plate.

After dinner, dad struck up a conversation with me after Bella left.

"What was that about, Edward?"

"What, dad?"

"You like that girl."

"What? No, she uh..."

"You know, son...there is nothing wrong with getting to know someone. I do advise avoiding getting too serious with anyone so close to you going off to school, but you shouldn't totally shut yourself off from living a little your senior year. Once you go to med school...things will be focused and serious for a long time."

"K, dad."

I retreated to my room. He couldn't understand. I had known from the very first time I ever saw her that there was no way I could not get serious with Bella, not to mention that hearing her sing has the power to stop my cardiac function, or that being anywhere near her makes me feel completely out of control. A quick impatient rap on my door interrupted my thoughts right before Alice blew into my room.

"Hey, sis."

"Hey. Look, Edward, I know it's a lot to ask, but Bella's my friend...my good friend. I need you to try to be nice to her. I know you try to avoid girls altogether, but please. Do this for me. Try to be sort of her friend, like you are to Rosalie."

"I'm sorry, Al. I know how much being my sister has cost you. I'll try...the best I can promise right now is somewhere in the middle, ok?"

"Okay...just please try, Edward."

"Sure little-bit."

* * *

**AN: I do not own these characters!**

**Thank all of you that continue to read, comment, and favorite. **

**Fabulous fans! Like:**

**ChrissyCullen01,lil miss bella cullen,Dragon98, & RoSaDbAdAsSgUaRdAiNs**

**Reviews prepare me for battle!**

**Songs for this chpt.:**

**Eve 6 - "Inside Out" & "Think Twice"**

**Green Day- "Boulevard of Broken Dreams"**

**Cruxshadows-"Winterborn" (I heard about this song from my hubby who reads a lot of John Ringo.)**

**Bob Dylan- "Cold Irons Bound"**

**I have to Rec a story too...check it out! **

**The Wallflower and the Flyboy by A Cullen Wannabe **


	9. All I Really Want To Do

**All I Really Want to Do**

**Another Side of Bob Dylan (1964)**

**I ain't lookin' to compete with you**

**Beat or cheat or mistreat you**

**Simplify you, classify you**

**Deny, defy or crucify you**

**All I really want to do**

**Is, baby, be friends with you**

**No, and I ain't lookin' to fight with you**

**Frighten you or uptighten you**

**Drag you down or drain you down**

**Chain you down or bring you down**

**All I really want to do**

**Is, baby, be friends with you**

* * *

"Come on Bella! It's just us...pleaase??!!"

"Okay, okay Alice. You win as usual," I joked.

She squealed and hugged Rosalie as I got the Tak out of its case. Alice wanted to hear one of my originals, but I had to be careful because most of my most recent ones were about her brother. Hopefully, after I appeased them, we could get to the good sleepover fun...watching movies, manis and pedis, and girl talk. I really wanted a chance to ask Alice about what Jessica told me about her and Edward.

I placed my capo on the second fret and began to play a song I had recently written based on my dreams about Edward. It had a pretty lilting melody layered over a haunting sound. It wasn't the best I'd ever written, but it was the song I most connected with lately. I began the first verse.

_Even if the world isn't turning I find a way to live again._

_Even if I tell myself there's no way I can win. _

_Even if find all the things they said to be true,_

_Or if I convice myself I don't care anything about you._

_In the night you know that I fly right on back to you._

_And when the moon is high_, _I wake up and cry 'cause I know I'm only dreaming about you._

I sang the second verse and repeated the chorus before sailing off into the bridge, hitting my falsettos softly yet strongly, and with all my heart.

_In the night you say you love me._

_In the dark you call my name._

_In my_ _dreams_ _you say forever,_

_And in the dark you call my name, my name_.

I repeated the bridge once more to close out the song. Alice clapped and cheered and Rosalie joined her after she seemed to recover from her apparent shock.

"When did you write that, Bella...and who are you dreaming about?" Alice shrewdly questioned.

"Not every song I write is directly about me...it doesn't work that way all the time. And, I wrote it two weeks ago." _True, but it just so happens you are right on this time my friend. _

"Uh, huh...you know I will find out eventually, don't you?" She laughed.

"Yep." I grinned.

They wanted more so I played "Girl from the North Country", and then took requests. I found out Rosalie wasn't half bad at harmony when we did "Landslide". We sang several more girly songs before finally deciding to get to our girl talk time while Alice expertly filed my nails.

"Seriously, Bella...you need to moisturize your cuticles! These calluses on your fingertips I can forgive because of your guitar. But for heaven's sakes...I will not tolerate hangnails!"

"Sorry, Alice," I sheepishly grinned. Now was a good time to bring up Jessica and Edward, but I had to be careful so that Alice's keen perception didn't link Edward to my song.

"Hey, Alice...I've been meaning to ask you. How well do you know Jessica Stanley?"

She and Rosalie both rolled their eyes. "Well enough, I guess...why?"

"She and Lauren approached me in gym and she seemed surprised that we were friends. She said she and Edward were pretty serious at one time. I just thought you would probably know her well if that were true."

"She said they were serious? Ha, if you call like two dates serious. Edward ditched her after that."

"That's funny...she made it sound like she dumped him. She said that the reason he doesn't have anything to do with any girls is because he's still in love with her."

Rosalie was rolling with laughter and Alice was annoyed but amused.

"Jessica is two french fries short of a happy meal, Bella. As far as I know, Edward has only ever dated two girls, neither of which lasted more than a few dates. As I recall, Edward was quite turned off by Jessica's clingy behavior."

I laughed. "That sounds about right."

Rosalie added, "If he wasn't such a skeeze, I'd feel sorry for Mike. That guy has no idea what he's up against. You'd better watch out for Jessica, though. Her elevator may not go all the way to the top, but if you get in the way of something she wants, she can be a real handful. And from what I hear, Mike has a thing for you."

"Ha, um no thanks...Mike is no where near my type."

"What is your type, Bella? I've been told you could nearly have your pick of available young men at Forks High...and they've never even heard you sing," Rosalie quipped.

_Yeah, except the one gorgeous available one I do want. _

Alice added, "Yeah, Lord help us if they do hear you sing. The guys will fall all over you even more, and the girls will either love you or hate you."

"I don't want it that way, you know. I hate being objectified and misunderstood. I don't feel that most people **get **me. I mean, I only really had a couple of friends in my life before you two. You don't know how much it means to me to have you both. As far as guys go, I seem to be able to garner unwelcome attention from the male population, but I have my doubts that any one of them that could love the real me."

The girls both hugged me and we talked some more, mainly about Alice's crush on Jasper, while we watched a chick flick marathon.

Alice drove me home late Sunday morning, and I noticed no one was home. I ate some lunch then went upstairs to put up my things from the shopping trip/sleepover.

I only had a couple of items from the shopping trip, and one of those Alice forced me to let her buy for me. Not having much money to spend and going shopping with Alice and Rosalie is like taking a quarter to shop at the dollar store. But they never made me feel bad about it.

I decided I would call mom and check up on her. I still had this nagging concern for her that just would not go away. I felt like if I called her and she sounded fine, I would let it drop. The phone rang three times before she answered.

"Heello," she slurred.

"Mom?"

"Heyy baabby"

"Are you okay? You sound off again. I'm really starting to worry about you."

"I'mm fine Bellaa. I jusst haad troubble sleeping, soo I took something the doctor gaave me to heeelp."

"You didn't drink with the pill, did you mom?"

A flashback of a memory came to me that I had never recalled before. In fact I couldn't tell if it was an actual memory or a dream. Me walking into her room and her sleeping...I was trying to wake her up, and couldn't. I heard her snoring, so I knew she was asleep. I had to have been no older than three or four.

"Noo Bellaa...I'm nooott stupid, jusstt tiired."

"I'm going to call you tomorrow, let you get your rest. I love you mom."

"Loove youu too baabbbyyy."

About an hour later, I started to walk downstairs with my laundry. When I got near the foot of the stairs I heard Sue talking on the phone. I was going to walk on to the laundry room until I heard that her conversation was about me. There was a wall between us, so we couldn't see each other, but I could hear her with perfect clarity.

"And God, Claire...I feel so trapped into all of this. I mean, now Bella is best friends with Dr. Cullen's daughter. If I say anything to her that she doesn't like, she can just turn around and tell her friend. Then next thing I know Dr. Cullen hates me, and I get hovered over at work or even fired. And Charlie...he always takes her side. Yeah, I know, and I mean my kids lost their father. They aren't moping around here like nobody understands them and their life stinks. Yep, I know. And so what? Her stepdad's friends hit on her and her mother is a drunk. Charlie told me nothing actually happened to her. She's just as manipulative as her mother."

I ran back upstairs and quietly closed my door before breaking down and sobbing. I wanted to call Alice, but I'd be doing just what Sue said, and I had only left her and Rosalie hours ago. Calling mom was a lost cause. At that moment I felt more alone than I ever had.

The next few weeks of school went by pretty much as usual, except with increased tension at home. But the situation at school was greatly improved by the fact that Edward spoke to me...twice.

One Thursday, we passed in the hall, and he said good morning to me. The following Wednesday in Physics, he asked me what answer I got for number twelve. He had at some point moved his desk back to its original position. Also, his manner toward me, while not quite polite or friendly, was far less brusque.

Somehow, Alice found out about my birthday. So at school, no one was more surprised than me to find out that Alice had brought cupcakes to our lunch table. Everyone at the table, and a few other random kids in the room sang happy birthday to me as I turned the shade of Alice's car and blew out the "18" candle atop my cupcake.

Then, as if the torture wasn't already complete, Rosalie handed me a present.

"This is from me and Em."

I carefully opened the polka dotted wrapping paper, and found a picture of Rosalie, Alice and me at the sleepover in a very pretty picture frame with music notes on it.

"Oh, it's awesome! Thank you so much!"

I was estatic as I jumped up to hug them.

Alice handed me another gift from her. I was floored as I opened a pair of earrings with a blue guitar pick in the background, and a silver hoop with a mermaid lounging at the bottom.

"They remind me of the song you sang the first time you came to my house."

"Oh, Alice! That is so sweet...I don't even know what to say."

I had tears welling up in my eyes, and then Jasper handed me what looked like a ring box.

"Yeah, uh this one is from me and Edward."

Keeping my tears at bay became a futile effort when I opened the box and looked at my gift. It was an copper guitar pick that had lyrics from one of my very favorite Dylan songs engraved in tiny writing.

_Lay down your weary tune, lay down_

_Lay down the song you strum_

_And rest yourself 'neath the strength of strings_

_No voice can hope to hum._

I was sobbing.

"Thank you all so much! I've never gotten a gift from anyone but my parents before. I usually hate getting gifts, but all of these are so thoughtful and sweet. Thank you."

I made my way around the table and gave them all huge hugs...even Edward. I didn't know how it happened but I had gained not one friend, but six amazing friends in a matter of weeks.

Charlie also brought home a small cake for me that night, and bought me an ihome alarm clock supposedly from both him and Sue.

I got a quick happy birthday call from mom who had been sounding a lot more normal the last week than she had been. She mailed me a gift certificate to the Gap.

I lay in my bed thinking about everything that had happened. I was still so overwhelmed at what my friends had done for me. I was glad to know that next time I had a problem, I wouldn't have to feel that alone again. I knew after today that any one of them would be there for me.

I wondered how Jasper and Edward knew that "Lay Down Your Weary Tune" was one of my favorites. Edward was the only one who could know because of my conversation with his dad. So did that mean he not only listened very intently to our discussion, but also put most of the thought into the gift?

I glanced over at the picture of me, Alice and Rosalie and smiled. Alice didn't have to seek me out as a friend, but she did. And through her, I was at the beginning of what I felt to my bones and dearly prayed was six friendships I would have all my life. Friends that understood me and loved the real me as much as anyone ever would.

* * *

**AN:**

**The song Bella wrote is actually a revised version of a song I wrote when I was 14. I liked the melody, and it seemed to fit here. It's no "Chocolate Rain", but it'll do...ha. **

**Songs for this chapter:**

**All I Really Want to Do (Bob Dylan) Your life is not complete unless you listen to it!**

**Girl From the North Country (Dylan)**

**Landslide (Stevie Nicks)**

**Since this chapter is about friendships, I want to love on my readers, reviewers, followers, and favoriters. (Is that a word?) Thank you all so much! **

**An extra special thank you goes out to the ones who reviewed, followed, or favorited this week! Supastars! Like:**

**omegaw, Jes-Xxx, Cecteddy, & lil miss bella cullen**

**Pics and links where you can find Bella's gifts (all on Etsy) will be up soon on my twitter/sarahscriptor.**

**I'm hoping to pick up the pace of this story from here on out, and a dose of angst is in your near future. Don't worry...happily ever after and all that jazz. **


	10. Coming From the Heart

**Coming From the Heart (The Road is Long)**

**Bob Dylan 1979 (edited)**

**We have got to come together**

**How long can we stay apart?**

**You may get it maybe never**

**But it's coming from the heart.**

**Your life is full of indecision**

**You can't make up your mind.**

**We must get it in position**

**And move it on down the line.**

**Make me up a bed of roses**

**And hang them down from the vine**

**Of all my loves you've been the closest**

**That's ever been on my mind.**

**Please don't talk about tomorrow**

**I'm really not one to care**

**This world is filled with too much sorrow**

**That nobody's heart should bear.**

* * *

I was bent over by the lockers of the girls dressing room tying my shoelaces when someone shoved into me, sending me face first into the lockers.

Jessica sneered with Lauren at her side, "Oh, whoops. So sorry, I didn't see you there."

She stalked past with her faithful little puppy of a friend following right behind. I got back up to my feet and wiped my hand across my now bleeding nose. For the past several weeks, Jessica's ire toward me had increased in tandem with the attentions I recieved from the object of her obsession, Mike Newton.

I resorted to situating myself beside Rosalie in Civics where Emmett blocked Mike and Tyler's view of me after a week of paper airplane notes sailing at my head and crude gestures aimed at me. Emmett shot a few warning glances their way which helped make Civics more bearable, but didn't do much good in the hallway or parking lot.

I was guessing that Jessica's particularly nasty action today had something to do with Mike asking me to the Homecoming dance. I politely but firmly turned him down. Just like I had with that Eric kid from Calculus. At lunch I expressed my frustrations with Alice who decided that we would just go together.

I had never been to a dance, always just choosing to avoid them at all costs. I wasn't too keen on going to this one, but I figured if I went with Alice, that we would have fun at least.

I managed to cut out of the gym before the bell even rang and walked into Physics with a slightly swollen nose. Edward noticed.

"What happened?"

"Well, my nose got in a fight with a locker and lost."

"You fell into a locker?"

"I wouldn't say that I fell, more like I was intentionally forced."

"Who?!" He loudly whispered.

"Shhh...it was Jessica, okay? She acted like it was an accident. I think she's just pissed about Newton asking me to the dance."

I rolled my eyes and let out a huff. I looked over and noticed that Edward appeared incensed. He looked so angry and after an uncomfortable pause, I felt the need to say something.

"I just wish that she wasn't too stupid to realize that Mike is the last guy at this school I would ever go to a dance with and save us both a lot of trouble. I've told her that I absolutely don't want him several times, but she can't get it out of her bleach blonde head that I'm trying to steal her man. As if."

Mr. Simpson then called the class to order, effectively ending our conversation, but I thought I saw Edward grin from the corner of my eye. After class I started to get up from my seat, he surprised me again.

"Don't let her get to you. She's jealous of you and she should be."

He stalked out of the room leaving my head spinning in his wake, wondering what the smeg he meant by that.

Things at home were strained. Sue had noticed that I only talked to her to answer direct questions, but although she perceived the increased tension between us, she still had no idea that I had overheard her phone conversation. I went about doing the best I could on my chores and reminding myself that this was only for a short time.

I was just glad that Leah was gone so much. I was now riding with Alice most days to and from school, and I loved her even more for helping me escape being forced in a small confined space with Leah. Seth and I did get along okay, but he too was gone a lot hanging with his friends down at the Rez. As usual, dad's work hours meant he wasn't around much.

I continued calling and checking on mom. She still seemed to have good and bad days, and I was really wanting to know what was going on. When I pressed, she finally admitted that she and Phil were having problems, but it wasn't serious and that they would be fine.

On that Saturday, I caught dad in the kitchen when Sue was out.

"Hey kid, what's been going on?"

"Well, I'm going to that homecoming dance with Alice."

"That's good. I'm glad you're making friends, honey."

"And dad, I'm really worried about mom...she's acting really strange. Half the time when I call I can't understand much she says, and then the next time, it's fine."

He shifted his eyes and looked intently behind my head. "Just let me know if it keeps going like that and I'll see what I can do."

I really didn't understand what he meant, but I agreed.

"Hey, Bells...is everything alright between you and Sue?"

I thought it through for a few minutes before settling on another half-truth.

"It's okay, I guess. I think we just don't get each other very well, that's all."

"Well, I know I'm not around much, and I'm sorry. But just hang in there kid...Sue loves you, I know she does."

_Not._

"K, dad."

Alice and Rosalie had arranged a sleepover at Rose's house the weekend of the Homecoming dance. Alice settled on dressing me in a short and lacy navy skirt that we bought on our first shopping trip, along with a white capsleeved button up bodysuit from Victoria's Secret that fit me like a glove. She let me borrow a pair of really cute light tan ankle boots to complete the ensemble. They both said I was a knockout.

Alice was some combination of sexy and adorable in a black cashmere cardigan and a patterned tiered skirt with leggings and high heeled boots. Rosalie wore a curve hugging heather grey sweater dress and matching pumps.

Emmett arrived to pick up Rosalie, and after an extra spritz of hair shine we were out the door and into Alice's Audi.

I couldn't help but be in a giddy girly mood around Alice. We entered the dance and had our picture taken under the cheesy lattice arch covered in balloons. She dragged me to the dancefloor, and squealed as Jay Sean's "Down" started playing.

"Bella, let's dance!" she shouted before dragging me to the dance floor.

I didn't have a lot of confidence in my dancing skills, but I wasn't trying to impress anyone here, so I decided just to have fun with Alice. I also decided to put my predjuices about the music away for the night and enjoy the beat instead of overanalyzing.

We laughed and danced to several upbeat songs before Jasper came up to ask Alice to dance. She beamed at me and I nodded excitedly. I walked over to get some punch while they danced to "Say Hey (I Love You)".

My eyes scanned to the side of the table and saw Edward looking at me, so after I got my punch, I went over to him. He was looking gorgeous, In a pair of charcoal slacks and a green button-down that made his eyes shine like jade beacons. The other girls seemed to know better than to approach him, but lucky me...we were now friends, so I could.

"Hey"

"Uh...hey." He cleared his throat.

"I think Jasper stole my date."

He laughed, "Yeah, you might be out of luck there. It's about time."

"You knew Alice liked him?"

"I guessed, but Jasper has liked her since junior high."

I laughed. I was about open my mouth again when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned to see Tyler Crowley, and I looked at him curiously.

"Hey Bella. You're looking really good. Wanna dance?"

I turned to look at Edward who looked annoyed but not otherwise interested. I knew if Alice had her way, she'd be with Jasper all night.

"Sure." Then I turned to address Edward. "See you later?"

"Yeah, sure."

I danced with Tyler for two songs before he got a little too hands-on, so I was glad when Eric asked to cut in. He was too nervous to pull anything like that, so I felt a little safer. But after a few minutes, his attempt at talking to me to make up for his lack of prowess was getting on my last nerve.

After the song ended I quickly excused myself to go to the ladies room. But as I turned around, Edward was standing inches from me.

"Bella, may I have this dance?"

I was really surprised, so it took me a second before I nodded in agreement. He pulled me to him, and I took a shuddering breath as we began to sway to "Never Say Never" by the Fray. His eyes bore into mine, and it felt like no matter how close we got to each other, we were trying to get even closer...like magnets. His scent was overwhelming my mind and his hands were gently rubbing my lower back.

I had my arms around his neck thanking Alice that she made me wear heels, and I didn't notice until the song was almost over that I was absentmindedly stroking the hair at the base of his neck. We broke eye contact long enough for him to pull me into his chest with his hand on my head stroking my hair while I wrapped myself around him. I felt his heart racing just like mine was. It felt like the most right place in all the world. _Forget the magic stump...this is now my happy place. _

After the song ended, we were still there unmoving and staring dumbly at one another. Finally he broke away, clearing his throat.

"I, uh...thanks for the dance," he stammered before hurrying off.

I noticed several of the girls looking at me with a mixture of jealousy, interest, and disbelief. Alice's presence stopped me before my feet could follow wherever Edward had gone.

"Bella!" she squealed. "Can you believe it? Jasper asked me out next weekend, and dancing with him was so amazing...it was like we were the only two people in the room! You aren't terribly mad at me, are you?"

"No," I half whispered still breathless from my dance with Edward. I forced my voice to be stronger, "not at all Alice...this dance was a lot more fun than I though it would be."

"Well, let's dance to another song or two and cut out of here...what do you say?"

"Sounds like a plan," I smiled.

I looked around the room while we were dancing, but I didn't see him again for the rest of the night.

* * *

**AN: A huge thanks to all who read, reviewed, followed, and favorited! People who are down! Like:**

**lil miss bella cullen, sakuravixen, forbiddensweetness, Stuckinstories, sophierosecullen, Misunderstood Dreamer94, ****Hollister1474, o****megaw,**** & LOVE IS A GIFT**


	11. Forgetful Heart

**Forgetful Heart**

**Together Through Life (2009) Bob Dylan**

_**This song was so awesome live...I saw Bob do this in Austin, TX last summer. Live arrangement of this one rulz!**_

**Forgetful heart**

**Lost your power of recall**

**Every little detail**

**You don't remember at all**

**The times we knew**

**Who would remember better then you**

**Forgetful heart**

**We laughed and had a good time you and I**

**It's been so long**

**Now you're content to let the days go by**

**When you were there**

**You were the answer to my prayer**

The next few weeks found me confused to say the least. After the dance, while still friendly, I sensed a strange distance between me and Edward...especially physically. He hadn't touched me again since the dance, or made any effort to get closer to me. And when I tried to instigate any level of physical closeness between us, he would stiffen, act awkward, or find a reason to get away.

Even so, our friendship was still at pre-dance level. We still talked and joked...like I said, pretty confusing. It had become fairly routine for me to go to the Cullens' once a week for dinner, and I mostly hung with Alice. I didn't feel that I could yet express my feelings about Edward to her, but I had a feeling that she wasn't completely clueless.

One positive development was that Mike and his boys were no longer harassing me. In fact, I was sure that Mike was obviously pissed at me for turning him down. The only acknowledgement I recieved from him was the occasional glare...just how I wanted it. _Such a freakoid moron skeeze_. Tyler winked at me the week after the dance, but thankfully Mike smacked him and stared Tyler down effectively ending the flirting.

You would think that Jessica and Lauren would be ready to plant one on me for so thoroughly disengaging Mike's attentions to me, but of course this wasn't the case. While I hadn't had to deal with anymore physical altercations with them, they were still into verbal attacks both to my face and behind my back.

The first week of November on a Friday evening found me in my room playing the Tak and working out my desperate and confusing emotions. I started out fingerpicking in a minor key that matched my unrequited desolation. The words flowed effortlessly in the spark of creativity the same as they always seemed to do. I poured my heart out on that ripped out piece of notebook paper.

_Reach in and touch me, anytime my love._

_I'll never let you run away, so come_

_Your feet could never carry you, my love_

_Far enough to escape this heart, your home. _

_Why are you afraid?_

_Why are you afraid?_

_Take flight, but know you can't fly forever_

_You, wax-winged Icarus, too must fall._

_Not even you can escape this forever_

_Love is bound to capture us all. _

_Why are you afraid?_

_Why are you afraid?_

_For once, ask your heart, and not your head._

_Remember how we danced, love led our steps,_

_If I had the key I'd free you from that head. _

_Where does this fit with the dreams you've kept?_

_Why are you afraid?_

_Why are you afraid?_

_Why are you afraid?_

The next Tuesday in Physics, we had to pair up for a lab assignment. I wasn't sure whether Edward would want to partner with me or not, but he didn't seem to have any real interaction with anyone else in the class except me. I was over at his house relatively frequently...it would make sense. I slowly turned to him to find him looking at me with the same faintly uncertain expression I was probably giving him.

"So, I don't have a partner, and you don't. We're friends and I'm over at your house hanging with Alice anyway..."

"Bella," he interrupted, "of course we'll be partners. You don't need to justify it, but you're right it only makes sense for us to be. Partners. I mean lab partners." He flushed as though embarrased at him rambling.

"Oh, right...okay. I just didn't know if...nevermind. Yep, good then."

He didn't push me to tell him the rest of my thoughts on the matter. He wrote down our names on the list as partners, while I drew our lab assignment.

"Map out a magnetic B field. Objective: Establish magnetic B field lines around magnets," I read aloud. _Ha, appropriate and ironic. Just love Physics. _

We made plans to work on it that Saturday, and Alice suggested that Rose and I could just stay the weekend at her house. I was nervous about the prospect, but seeing how Edward was quite content with not even touching me, I figured it was harmless. Potentially awkward, sure...but harmless.

Since I was going to be spending the weekend at the Cullens', I decided to skip out on dinner during the week there, choosing to catch up on homework, and get ahead on chores. At this point, however, I'm sure Sue and Leah would be happy to have me out of their hair for a couple of days. I hadn't seen dad more than a few minutes here and there the whole week, as he had been working really long hours. I wondered if the crime rate in Forks justified it.

I tried to keep to myself as much as possible, and was thankful to find Sue less overt in her spite toward me. I smiled a little at the fact that she didn't know that I knew that my friendship with the Cullens' kept her from treating me too badly for fear of losing her job or looking like an evil stepmom by the respectable population of Forks.

I tried calling mom a couple of times during the week, and was unable to get a hold of her. I hoped for the best...perhaps Phil got some extra gigs, and she went with him. Or maybe she was working extra hours. I would try after this weekend, and if I couldn't get her, I would worry then.

I quickly packed my bag for the weekend, and stuffed some picks, a few of my newer songs that I hadn't memorized yet, and a capo into the storage compartment of my guitar case. I put in the Tak and latched it all up before heading downstairs to meet Alice. She pulled up just about the time I managed to close the door behind me, and I must have been a sight with my loaded down backpack, purse, overnight bag, guitar case, and a poptart in my right hand.

School dragged on, but we did eventually get out of there. Rose and I piled into Alice's car, and headed to the Cullens'.

Thankfully, Edward helped us haul all of our bags up to Alice's room. I, of course, insisted on carrying the Tak up, but he eyed it curiously. I realized that I may have let Alice set me up since she and Rose would be the only ones in the house who had heard me play. I had just gotten used to bringing the Tak to our sleepovers at Rose's, and didn't think anything about it.

A wave of fear suddenly crept over me as I realized that Alice and Rose would be expecting to hear my newest songs. And oh crap...there was a high possibility that Edward would hear them. There was no way that he would not gather that the last one was written about him...no way. _I'm screwed._

We hung out in Alice's room until it was time for dinner. Alice couldn't get enough of talking about the dance and Jasper.

"Oh, and I saw our girl here danced a bit herself. It was looking intense out there...,"she challenged.

"Oh, Bella! I was so caught up in my happy bubble I didn't even notice...I'm such a bad friend!"

"No, you aren't, Al. I was so pumped to see you and Jasper. So, what time do you think dinner will be done?" I deflected.

"Ah, ah, ah...I'll have none of that. Spill, Bella," Rosalie demanded.

"Okay, so...I danced with Tyler, then Eric...," I cough/talked the rest, " and Edward."

"What was that?" Alice questioned.

"Edward. Our girl Bella was **very** cozy with your twin on the dance floor," Rosalie smirked making her point.

"Edward?" Alice squealed looking excited.

"Shhh, Alice...geez."

"So do you like him?"

Crap...Rosalie was brutally blunt. I nodded.

"You really like him? Why is this the first I've heard...wait! Your songs...about him?" Alice mulled.

"Some of them might possibly have been slightly inspired by him. Especially one I wrote this week, so, you cannot make me play them in front of anyone put you and Rose, okay?"

Alice hugged me. She didn't answer...I was going to force her to promise, when Rosalie thoroughly diverted my attention.

"He likes you too, you know."

"What? He won't even touch me...we're just friends."

"I saw how he was looking at you and holding you while you danced...that wasn't a casual dance, Bella."

"It didn't feel that way to me either...but I was starting to think I imagined the whole thing at worst, and that it was extremely one-sided at best. He certainly seems to have forgotten it."

"Nope, I don't think that's it. Alice, any insights into your brother's multi-personality disorder?"

"Yes, in fact. He's scared....he's scared of how much he likes you, and he didn't plan on you. He's very plan and goal oriented. He told me before that the reason he pretty much avoids all the girls at school is because he doesn't want any relationships before med school. He thinks it would complicate everything...and that's not the whole of it. He wants dad's approval, and his plan of going to a top tier med school would please dad to no end."

"Well, he wants what he wants, I can't compete with his plans and dreams, and I don't want to."

"That's just it, Bella," Alice continued, "he doesn't really know what he wants."

We went down to dinner with Alice grinning like the Cheshire cat, and me being a little more quiet than usual. Luckily, Carlisle seemed tired from his day at work, and Esme was chatting with Rosalie about her parents.

"So, Bella...I noticed you brought your guitar. You'll have to play something for us," Edward shocked me by saying. _No, no, no, no! _My inner Bella banged her head against the table.

"Yep, Bella wrote two new songs this week!" Alice chirped.

_Alice just lost 10,000 best friend points for throwing Bella under the bus. _I shot her a glare.

"Oh, Bella honey, we would love to hear your new songs! Please?" Esme pleaded.

"Certainly...I could use that after the day I've had," Carlisle added.

After another look at Alice that told her my revenge would be brutal, and a pleading look at Rosalie who returned a shrug, I grudgingly nodded.

Alice got up to retrieve the Tak while we all shuffled into the den. Alice gingerly sat the case down at my feet. I opened the case and placed the Tak propped up beside me as I took out the papers and opened the one that I was least scared to play in front of Edward out laying it beside me. It was mostly about my family situation, and overall frustrations, so it obviously the lesser of two evils. _Perhaps they'll hate it and beg me to stop before I have to do the next one. Here's hoping_.

I played through the first one with no problems even though I had only played it through a few times. I was incapable of doing any of my songs badly on purpose...it would just feel sacreligious. Of course, as my luck had it, they loved it and begged for the next one.

I decided it would be best to just do it and get it over with, and try to be nonchalant and vague about any reaction or comments about or from the inspiration. I was trying to pretend that said inspiration wasn't sitting just feet from me. I started out fingerpicking in the Emn/Amn7 progression and layed my heart bare before the Cullens' and Rose while I played "Afraid".

I was really surprised how well that one had turned out. It had become one of my favorites, sounding in melody and style something between Nouvelle Vague and acoustic Indie Folk. The subject matter, of course was also very close to my heart.

When I finished the last chord, there was silence. I didn't dare look in Edward's direction, so I chose to look at Alice...even if she was on my crap list right now. The gape-mouthed grin showed me that she loved it.

"Damn fine job, Bella," Carlisle gushed.

"That is my new favorite," Rosalie stated with a wink.

"How many have you written, sweetheart?" Esme questioned.

"I don't know exactly...I have a box full at home. A lot of them aren't very good." I laughed.

I forgot that I was trying to avoid looking at Edward when I cast my gaze back toward Rosalie, but was caught stock still by his intent gaze. Esme and Carlisle got up to go clean up the dishes, so they didn't seem to notice, but Rose and Alice sure did.

"Rosalie, I have to show you my new outfit...come on!" Alice squealed as she pulled Rose up the stairs. _Thanks again, Alice...you will be hearing from disgruntled and embarrassed Bella very shortly. _

I started putting everything in the case hoping to get upstairs to Alice's room before this reached awkward DEFCON 1*.

I was just latching my case...

"Bella," he said softly. _Nonchalant._

"Yeah?" I looked up hoping it wasn't complete acting fail.

"I..you...that was beautiful."

He walked over to me and I stood up to my full height.

"Thank you." I brushed my long side-swept bangs out of my face.

When they returned to their original place, he gently took my hair and tucked it behind my ear, before skimming my cheekbone with the back of his hand. We had the same intense eye lock that we had going at the dance, and I knew then that I hadn't just imagined it, and that Rose and Alice must be right about him.

"Bella," he whispered as he drew closer to me.

All the sudden my cell phone in my pocket started blaring "I Fought the Law".

"Charlie," I whispered.

He stepped back a little and I turned to answer it. I gave Edward an apologetic look before answering. I hadn't got to talk to him all week, and the moment between Edward and I had passed. I took the Tak back up the stairs to Alice's room while talking to my dad.

After I hung up with him, I started in on Alice.

"Alice Cullen, you are in big trouble for pulling that on me."

"Bella, I know...but it was the only way to crack him, to make him see."

"And it worked...big time. That boy is head over heels for you, Bella," Rose added.

"Whatever your reasoning, it was a dirty trick."

"Bella, I love you...and I did it because I love you."

"I know, Al. I'm glad to have you and Rose for my best friends. But never. pull. that. again."

"Cross my heart!"

We continued our usual girl talk, and I was forced to indulge a possible almost kiss that Charlie interrupted. I wondered whether or not I would get "touch-me-not" Edward tomorrow when we worked on our lab. I really expected as much, but I hoped too that Alice was right, and that he had "cracked".

**AN: Several things to mention with this update. One, thanks for your patience! Two, the updates may be more like every 2 or 3 weeks now, because I have to work on some songs for a local group to record, and that actually pays, so...yeah. Three, I actually wrote the lyrics to the song in this chappy Tues. night, and put music to it Wed. morning. I have to say...I really like it. I hope I can get it in a format for you guys to listen to at some point. I didn't intend for it to be any good. I can't do it half way...just can't. **

***Defcon 1... I wanted to put Defcon 5, but a little research informed me that most TV/movies have it wrong, and that Defcon 1 is actually the highest alert with 5 being the lowest. **

**10,000 best friend points to those who reviewed, favorited, and followed since last chappy. **

**Homeslices like:**

**elle117, Iriemel, junz, nakeli23, , chavy c, horsecrazed, lil miss bella cullen, Frankielvz, & daddyslittlepumpkin. Thank you!**

**I have a rec for this week...it's soooo good. Ready?**

**the mail order bride by Lady Gwynedd**


	12. I Want You

**AN: I want to thank all of you who are reading this story. You guys are so awesome. I love this story, and I'm glad you guys do too. Tell your FF buds about this story, or review. It makes me and Bob happy. **

**I do not own the Characters, Fiona's lyrics, or Bob :(. I do know a lot of Dylan songs though, and play them ad libitum or ad nauseum (depending on which neighbor you ask). **

**On that note, the following people have pleased me greatly by reviewing, following, or favoriting my little story since last chappy. If I left anyone out...please jot a line and fuss, cause I love you all. **

**xXKimmyXx, ., Ima-Believer, chapik, lil miss bella cullen, Moon Potter620, bettonalice2, Vanessaqueen, Lala28, perfectlyimperfect702. **

**I hope this chapter makes up for the slow buildup. The timing has to happen according to plan, and as I stated before there is angst coming next few chapters (starting with the very next one), after which the plot will be moving along faster. **

**I Want You**

**Bob Dylan-Blonde on Blonde (1966)**

_**The guilty undertaker sighs**_

_**The lonesome organ grinder cries**_

_**The silver saxophones say I should refuse you**_

_**The cracked bells and washed-out horns**_

_**Blow into my face with scorn**_

_**But it's not that way**_

_**I wasn't born to lose you**_

_**I want you, I want you**_

_**I want you so bad**_

_**Honey, I want you**_

"Okay, what is question three?" Edward asked as he poured the metal filings around the bar magnet in the center of the round breakfast table in his kitchen.

Our textbooks and notebooks were splayed out on the periphery with our project in the center. I was responsible for keeping up with and filling out the study question sheet for our project. And I figured that for the hour or so that we worked on it, we could avoid the awkwardness of being around each other after the previous evening. Alice and Rose had gone over to Jaspers to hang with their men and give us, quote, "much needed study time".

"Um, 'What Law is the Magnetic B Feild defined from?'"

I took the opportunity to look at him as he skimmed his book and notes for the answer. He really was the most handsome guy I had ever seen. But to be honest, the fact that he was so smart sealed the deal for me. Add to that his obvious musical talent and the triple threat was like Bella kryptonite.

I had never really given a lot of thought before moving to Forks about what my ideal would be in a man was, but now I knew. And anything short of him would be a grave disappointment. And after last night, I was sure he reciprocated my feelings, if only in a much less degree. I thought about what Alice had said, and I had to admit that although his responsibility and resolve were good traits in some aspects, in this instance, they sucked.

I didn't want to stand in the way of his plans and dreams, but I also thought it was a completely idiotic idea not to explore what we felt for each other. Because I knew no matter what guy I ultimately ended up with...if it wasn't him, I'd be settling.

"Oh, here it is. Lorentz Force Law. "

I wrote it down and took notes as we discussed and drew a chart of our bar magnet experiment. We used our notes and books to fill in the rest of the questions. It was all very clinical, since Edward was in his "zone". As we were gathering up our things and cleaning up, I decided to take a chance.

"Hey, Edward."

"Yeah?" He cleared his throat.

"Since you threw me to the wolves last night, I think you owe me a song." I smiled up at him.

"Well, I guess I did put you on the spot. Okay, come on."

He led us to the piano, and I stood there uncertain whether I should just stand there or walk back an find a seat. He must have seen my confusion, so he patted the bench beside him. I hesitantly took the seat, and he looked up at me with a grin.

"Any requests? I'd love to play something you can sing to. Some of us aren't as naturally blessed as other people." He scoffed, and I laughed in return.

"Yeah, right. Well, ok...uh, do you know any Fiona Apple?"

"Ah, quintessential chick music. But actually really good nonetheless. How about...this?"

He started playing a beautiful succession of chords with a beautiful melody woven in. "Never is a Promise" happened to be one of my favorite songs by her.

_You'll never see the courage I know,_

_It's colors' richness won't appear within your view._

_I'll never glow the way that you glow_

_Your presence dominates the judgments made on you._

_But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights._

_The shades and shadows undulate in my perception. _

_My feelings swell and stretch; I see from greater heights._

_I understand what I am still too proud to mention- to you_

_You say you understand, but you don't understand._

_You'll say you never give up seeing eye to eye. _

_But never is a promise, and you can't afford to lie. _

Singing with him was like some sort of synergy...some strange but completely natural single organism charged with heat, passion, and electricity. It wasn't like there were two of us, but instead one creating a beautiful song. I had played and sung with many bands and musicians over the years, and always had a lot of fun. But this was otherworldly in comparison. Tears filled my eyes, and emotion clung to my still strong voice creating a huskier, breathier quality.

But it was when his warm rich voice took the lower harmony on the final bridge that it all came together, and my heart felt like it would swell out of my chest. It was like our voices were two pieces of a whole, mine female and his the male counterpart. Our eyes met for the final chorus, and a tear was rolling down his cheek as well. _He feels it too. _

As he played the final note, it rang in finality. Our gazes, however, never wavered and we drew steadily closer. His lips met mine, and our eyes closed as our connection was solidified...the rightness of it undeniable. He let out a shaky breath as I opened slightly to bid him limitless access to my mouth, my heart, and my soul. He returned the gesture as his tongue reached out in desperation and found it's eager companion in my own.

His hands reached out to pull me closer to him by my waist, and I wrapped my small hands around the back of his neck, massaging the top of his back and playing with his hair. His groan caused a surge of passion to flow through me making its complete circuit ending with my voice returning his call.

When we ran out of breath, he moved his mouth down to attend to my jaw, neck, and exposed collarbone before returning to my lips. He took my bottom lip gently between his teeth, before winding down with gentle romantic parted kisses. Our foreheads touched and our eyes opened.

"Bella," he breathed.

"Hmm, Edward," I replied and blushed at the sound of my moan.

"What is this?"

"Right. It's just right Edward. Don't overthink it, okay?"

He grinned and nodded. "I want this."

"So do I...more than anything."

The front door opened and we stood, but he was still holding my hand. Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper all filed in and ran into each other in quick succession as Alice stopped short with the hugest smile I had ever seen at the sight of us.

"About damn time!" Emmett broke the silence with his gruff declaration and laughter.

Rosalie smirked and tossed her hair behind her shoulder in satisfaction. Jasper just shook his head and chuckled. I looked up at Edward who wore the same confused look as I must have been wearing, until it morphed into a cocky grin, which immediately caused my own.

We all were roped into playing Rock Band by Emmett. He was on the drums, Jasper and Edward traded out the guitar, Rose played bass, and Alice and I traded off singing. She was pretty good! When Jasper and Alice were both up, we sat together and held hands.

"You have such tiny hands...I don't see how you play instruments as well as you do," he mused smiling as he stroked and traced my hand.

"Everyone thinks that, but look..." I stretched out by hand so that my thumb and pinkie formed a straight line from one side to the other, "they are very stretchy."

He gaped incredulously at my odd skill.

"Well," I continued, "not everyone can have beautiful pianist hands. We less fortunate must compensate somehow."

Esme returned, and us girls went in to help her with dinner while the boys were playing a first person shooter game. As I was peeling potatoes, Rosalie kept smirking at me and Alice was giggling. I was rolling my eyes, and Esme was observing us with curiosity.

"You girls look like you have a juicy secret...what's going on with you, Bella?" She raised her eyebrow and grinned.

"Bella and Edward...!" Alice shouted before clamping her hand over her mouth and looking at me with apologetic eyes.

"Oh, really?" Esme grinned like the cheshire cat, and I could plainly see where Alice got that nearly creepy over-amped smile from earlier.

"Studying must have gone well today," Rosalie teased.

I figured there was no way I was going to be able to avoid this conversation, and although I would have preferred to have it without Esme, I really liked her and had an almost natural trust for her. I figured honesty was the best policy with the fewest details that I could get away with.

"Actually, it wasn't any different studying than normal. Edward is very serious about his studies, as you all well know."

"Then...how?" Alice asked wide eyed and dying of curiosity.

"We, um...well after we studied, we played a song together," I shrugged nonchalantly.

"Is that so?" Esme stated smugly.

"Aaandd?" Alice pleaded. I sighed.

"It was like nothing else in the world. I can't describe it, but when we played that song together...everything just fell in place. It was just right. We both cried in fact," I relented.

Esme gasped and hugged me tightly causing me to almost stab my hand with the knife.

"Oh, sorry sweetheart...I'm just so happy right now. I'm so glad you came here. I was so worried about him. But now, my son has found his heart." She quietly said as she wiped tears from her cheeks.

Carlisle was running late at the hospital with an emergency heart surgery, so it was just five of us at dinner after the boys went home. After dinner, Edward helped Esme clean up, while us girls hung out upstairs.

Rose and Alice forced more info out of me about my day with Edward. I still couldn't wrap my mind around anything. I didn't know exactly what we were...the only declaration we made was simply that we both wanted "this" whatever it was. I talked to them about how much I was worried about my mom, while they hugged me and tried to reassure me.

About a half hour later there was a knock on Alice's door.

"Ladies, can I steal Bella for a few minutes?" He asked shyly while giving his best puppy dog eyes to Alice.

"You have twenty minutes before I come to steal her back. We have chick flicks to watch and pedicures to do."

"Yes ma'am," he grinned as I stood to go with him.

I hesitantly followed him into his room, and he closed the door after I passed him. I took a moment to look around his room. It was painted a dark grey with bright white trim, and his bedspread was light grey with a dark grey stripe all the way around. There were two bookshelves filled with books, cd's, and a few movies. His desk was very neat with a laptop and his school books on top, along with a Dartmouth mug filled with pens, pencils, and highlighters. There were a a few prints on the wall, along with a few photos of him with his family. _Very Edward._

He sat the edge of his bed patted the space right beside him. He held my hand as I took a seat beside him.

"Will your parents freak out if they find me in your room?" I asked nervously.

"No, not unless we were were, uh..." he blushed.

"Oh, okay...gotcha," I replied.

"Bella, wanted to talk to you more about us if you don't mind," he looked into my eyes as if asking permission.

"Yes, I think that's a good idea..."

"Good. Okay, so I guess I'll go first. I really want to try this, that is I want to try a relationship. I have really tried to avoid this situation at all costs, which is why I've basically ignored every girl I've come across in the last couple of years. I didn't see the point in having a relationship with anyone when I would just be leaving for college, probably across the country in so short of a time. But see, you...I know I can't deny how I feel about you anymore. It scares me because it's made me rethink everything my dad and I have talked about and planned for all my life...in other words, exactly what I've tried to avoid. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted, and how to get it, and I stubbornly held on to that all the while fighting what I feel for you. It was essentially a battle between my head and my heart, and believe me, my head is a formidable foe. But today, my heart won. I don't know what the plan for my future is...I do have a lot of options. But I can't see a future without you anymore."

He wiped the tear that snuck it's way down my cheek without permission, and looked at me as if he were scared.

"Edward," I started. "I want you, and I want us. But I don't want you to give up your dreams, whatever they are. I think that we can do both, and we have plenty of time to deal with that. But you have to make room in your life for new and unexpected things, whether that is me or something else. Don't close yourself off from life out of fear or obligation. I've wanted this with you ever since the first time I saw you, and today was the best day I can remember having...ever."

He reached for my other hand and grasped them between us, as we leaned into each other. Our lips connected again, and the feeling from earlier returned. The energy between us pulsed in affirmation. _This is right. This is supposed to happen. We belong together. _ Our kiss grew in intensity, boiling to the point that we were not yet ready for, then mellowing into a sweet simmer. He backed away minutely as he gazed into my eyes and smiled.

"Bella, please say that you're mine," his voice cracked and his eyes were pleading.

"I've been yours since that first day, Edward. And I'm yours until you say any differently. Even then, I don't know if you could get rid of me," I giggled.

"And I'm yours. I'll always be yours, Bella."

He kissed me sweetly again before wrapping me up in his arms and kissing the top of my head.

A quick rap sounded on his door and we instinctively jumped a few inches away from each other.

"Times up, twin. Your girl has an appointment with me, Rose, and "Pearl Harbor". Let's go, Bella," Alice ordered with a smirk.

Edward kept hold of my hand until I walked too far from his reach.

"Goodnight, Bella," he smiled happily.

"Goodnight, Edward,"

I got back home before lunch on Sunday. Seth was sitting on the couch and greeted me as I came in.

"Hey, Bella...how was your weekend?"

"Really good. What about you...you aren't on the rez today?"

"Nah, Leah is at Paul's, but I decided to come on home. By the way Jake asked me when you're planning on coming back to hang with them...I think he has a thing for you, sis."

"Uh, well...tell him thanks, but I kinda have a boyfriend."

"Oh, really," he waggled his eyebrows.

"Yes, really...and dad doesn't know yet, so don't go telling him before I have a chance to, okay?"

"Who's the lucky guy?"

"Don't you wish you knew?" I laughed as I entered the kitchen to scrap up some lunch. Sue left a note on the fridge that she and dad had gone shopping in Port Angeles, and that they would bring dinner home with them.

I trudged upstairs and put up everything from the weekend. I decided to try and call mom again. It rang three times before she picked it up.

"Hello." Her voice sounded weak.

"Mom!" I half shouted in exasperation. "Where have you been? I've been so worried about you."

"I'm sorry, baby. I was in the hospital, I just got released yesterday."

"Hospital? What happened? Why didn't Phil call me?"

"Well, I just passed out...they said it was exhaustion and stress. When I passed out, I hit my arm pretty bad. Phil and I have been having problems, but we've worked it all out. Everything is fine...don't worry."

I knew my mother well enough to know that this was not the whole truth for one, and also that as always, she was downplaying it drastically. So, of course, I got even more worried. I couldn't exactly call her out on the medical stuff without her getting huffy and defensive. So I would carefully pick the other scab and see if I could get anything else to go on.

"Is Phil there with you?"

"Yes, he's in the living room watching his sports. I'm in the bed resting. The doctor gave me something to help with my stress and the pain in my arm."

"Please, please from now on if something like this happens make sure someone knows to call me. Ask Carol or Jenny from work if no one else can, okay?"

"Sure, baby. I'll tell them. Look this medicine makes me pretty sleepy. I'll talk to you soon, honey."

"Ok, I'll call you this week and check on you. Love you, mom."

"Love you too, baby."

The next morning, I rushed to get dressed and downstairs for breakfast. I hurried into my new purple wool coat that looked cute with my favorite chucks. I walked out to the porch to wait on Alice, but noticed there was already a car in the driveway...but it wasn't a red Audi coupe. It was a silver Volvo.

He got out, and took my hand, smiling the whole time.

"You look beautiful this morning. Would you mind too much riding with me this morning? I would hate for the fight I had with Alice over driving you today to be in vain." He grinned and looked down shuffling his feet.

"Of course, but we might have to come up with an arrangement to keep Alice in our good graces."

He gave me a quick peck on the lips before opening the passenger door for me. Leah and Seth walked out just as he was closing my door. Leah scowled at me and Seth looked like the cat that ate the canary, because he figured out exactly who my boyfriend was.

Edward and I recieved a lot of shocked, confused, and even angry stares as we walked the hallway hand in hand. There were only four students who didn't wear one of these expressions, and they were grinning, giggling, and enjoying the spectacle that we seemed to be to everyone else. He brought me to my locker and kissed my hand.

"I'll see you at lunch," he said lowly as he winked and walked down to his locker.

So began my day of being quizzed on our relationship. I deflected questions from everyone I wasn't close to...it just wasn't their business, and I was very private as it was.

I had to fill in Angela in French, and Rosalie added some of what I didn't.

In Calculus, I was pleased to find that the Eric boy was leaving me alone. Jasper just winked at me and grinned.

Alice and I came close to getting busted in English she was passing notes so feverishly back and forth to me. We made an agreement that she would take me to school twice a week, and Edward the rest unless he wasn't able to. I told her a little about my mom with a promise to fill her in with more later. She gushed about how happy her mom was about me and Edward, and that though her dad was cautious about it, he could never deny Esme any happiness. Therefore, he wouldn't dare interfere. She also stated that her brother went about the house with a "stupid grin" all Sunday, whistled to himself, and played some old Fiona Apple song on the piano. I just smiled.

Emmett cracked jokes about me and Edward...a few of them were dirty. I assured him that we weren't ready for that yet, and reminded him that we had only been together a few days, so to shut it. He laughed. But near the end of class he waited on me after Rose took off to take a paper to the office.

"I just wanted to tell you, I've never seen Edward happy like this, ever. Whatever you're doing...keep it up." He patted me on the back and grinned as we walked to the Cafeteria.

At lunch, Edward took his seat right next to me and kissed my cheek. He held my hand most of the time too. I noticed that I was recieving death glares from Jessica and Lauren. _Nothing too new there._

"Gym is going to be fun," I huffed sarcastically glancing at their table. Edward turned to look around the table angrily.

"Don't let her get to you, sweetheart. She's just jealous because she's an ugly, mentally void nitwit. We'll all protect you. I swear if she touches you again..."

"I'll take care of this...don't worry Bella," Rosalie sneered.

As Jessica and Lauren got up to walk out, Rose got up and followed stopping them just a few feet from our table.

"Jessica, just so you know...yes Edward and Bella are together, no he has never liked you and never will. Next, if you lay another finger on Bella, I will personally kick your ass. If you say anything that is remotely hateful or hurtful to her, everyone at this table will destroy you. I know you are a hateful little person with no life and very few brain cells, but nothing going on with anyone here has anything at all to do with you."

Jessica gaped as Rose spun on her heel and joined us back at the table.

"Rose, remind me to never piss you off," I responded. Everyone at the table laughed.

Gym was surprisingly uneventful. The two witches gave me a wide berth, and I sustained no injuries from the basketball scrimage.

My gorgeous boyfriend was already seated when I walked into Physics and we gave flirty smiles to each other as I strolled up to my seat beside him.

"It doesn't seem fair that this is the only class I have with you," he pouted.

"I know, but look at it this way...less distractions." I smiled at him earning his happy grin.

We turned in our project, and had most of the rest of the hour free.

"What do you think you want to go to college for?" he asked.

"I'm not one-hundred percent sure, but I'm thinking a double major in music education, and either psychology or elementary education. I want to try to do something with my songs at some point, but I think learning music saved me in a lot of ways. I love kids, too."

"That would be a good fit for you, I think. What colleges are you applying to?"

"UDub, Arizona State, Rice, NYU, and even though my budget rules them out, Yale and Dartmouth."

"Really? We've applied to a few of the same schools." He seemed pleased and sort of relieved about the fact.

We flirted and whispered back and forth for the rest of the period. Things were so much different than just a week ago, and I was so happy. I half expected to wake up and for everything since last weekend to have been only a dream. But it was real, and he was really holding my hand and gazing into my eyes. And if I knew my Edward at all, he was plotting and planning a new future where our plans and dreams came to fruition, and we were doing it together.


	13. Ain't Talkin'

**Ain't Talkin'**

**Bob Dylan- (Modern Times-2006)**

_**As I walked out tonight in the mystic garden**_

_**The wounded flowers were dangling from the vines**_

_**I was passing by yon cool and crystal fountain**_

_**Someone hit me from behind**_

_**Ain't talkin', just walkin'**_

_**Through this weary world of woe**_

_**Heart burnin', still yearnin'**_

_**No one on earth would ever know**_

"This is really good meatloaf, Mrs. Swan."

Edward's attempt at breaking the awkward silence fell flat with a glaring Sue, a lackadaisical Leah, and an intimidating Charlie. Thank the Lord for Seth, who was obviously amused and decided to have mercy on us.

"So, Edward...what college do you think you'll end up at? I know you are like the smartest kid at Forks High...the colleges must be knocking down your door."

"Well, I'm not sure yet. If you would have asked me two weeks ago, I probably would have told you with 90% certainty Dartmouth. But, honestly where I go is going to depend heavily on where Bella is."

He smiled at me and I blushed, not necessarily surprised that he was thinking in that direction, but more that he was so decided in his conviction. I returned his smile happily thinking back on the last few weeks. They had flown by, but I had never in my life been happier. I had not stayed overnight at the Cullens' since the weekend that we declared ourselves, but we were together both at school and most evenings after school. I was still trying to pull my weight around the house, and at least attempt to make Sue happy.

Edward was very affectionate with me, and for the first week I drew the ire of nearly every girl in school who had given up hopes of Edward long ago. When he was unattainable, all the girls were on a level playing field, so to speak. Now that he had chosen me, I suppose it left them feeling insecure or jealous. I didn't fully understand why he wanted me either, I suppose. But, I wasn't about to complain now that he did.

Sue's shocked reply to Edward's previous statement ripped me out of my inner musings.

"Isn't it a little irresponsible to rearrange your future college plans on a high school relationship that is only a couple of weeks old, Edward?" Sue quizzed in a self-satisfied tone.

It was obvious she didn't like the idea of me dating Dr. Cullen's son, but It would be a cold day in Hades when she broke us up. I laughed to myself at her lame attempt. If she knew Edward at all, she would wave her little white flag right now.

"Again, I used to think so. But, my parents are in agreement with my decision. They want what will make me happy, just like any good parent, and they see that she is what makes me happy. In addition to that, we applied to several of the same schools. I have not changed my goal, which is to become a doctor. I have only changed the means to achieve that goal so that Bella and I can be together."

Sue didn't have a reply after he had so politely and intelligently put her in her place. I was stunned, however, by his statement that his parents were supportive of his decision. I knew Esme was, but Carlisle had wanted Dartmouth for Edward since he was born. I smiled to myself thinking of Esme using her charms full force on her unsuspecting husband. Carlisle didn't know what hit him, I was sure.

Charlie reluctantly loosened up a little bit by the end of the evening. He nearly had a coronary the previous week when I told him about me and Edward. As a matter of fact, so had Sue...although it was for different reasons. She made a few snide comments here and there about it, but I didn't let it bother me too much. I had learned to take everything she said with a grain of salt, and just let it roll off my back. I didn't understand her motive for not liking me, but I wasn't going to give her misplaced view of me any substance by acting out on it.

I walked with Edward out to his car so we could have some "alone" time before he had to go home.

"Thank you for braving dinner with my family. I know they can be...hard to deal with."

"You don't have to thank me, Bella. They are your family, and if it means I get to be with you, then I'll attend awkward dinners and glaring parents every day if you want," he laughed.

"No. Absolutely not," I giggled in return.

"It's not forever, you know. Things will get better," he gently said as he hugged me to his chest.

I had been sharing more of my personal life with him over the past few weeks. In fact, he was the only person that knew the absolute truth about why I left Pheonix, and what had happened with Phil that night. He was incensed at the risk I was in there with Phil and his friends, but said overall he was glad that it had brought me to Forks...to him.

I had also shared with him my struggles with Sue, and my mostly recent worries about mom. She had another spell about a week and a half ago where she sounded really bad when I talked to her. But, since then, she seemed to sound more energetic and was more talkative. It was all still a huge puzzle to me, and I was not there to figure out the truth of what was going on with her.

"I know. You know, just having you makes it better already," I spoke softly before reaching up to kiss him. Our kisses always held this combination of rightness, home, and magic.

Not wanting to get shot by Charlie, he broke our kiss long before we would normally have ended it.

"So have you written any songs about me this week?" he joked.

"Hmm, wouldn't you love to know?" I joked before giving him a hug and quick kiss bye.

"See you tomorrow, beautiful."

I watched him pull out of the drive and head home. I drew strength from his words that I wouldn't have to live this way forever, and skipped up the porch. I could deal with anything, as long as I had my Edward.

_Edward and I were at his house, and he was walking me over to the Bosendorfer. I sat down beside him, and he kissed me smiling widely. _

_What shall I play for you, sweetheart?_

_**I pulled into Nazareth, I was feelin' about half past dead**_

_**Just needed some place where I could lay my head**_

_Why is "The Band" playing in my dream? Edward was just about to play a song for me. _

_**"Hey, mister, can you tell me where a man might find a bed?"**_

_**He just grinned and shook my hand, "No." was all he said. **_

It took me a second to wake up enough to realize that it was my phone ringing. I picked it up, wondering what time it was and why Phil was calling me so late at night.

"Hello?" I answered groggily.

"Bella," he whimpered.

"Phil?" I looked over at the clock and noticed it read 3:34 am. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"It's Renee...Bella, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry,"

"Is she in the hospital again? What happened?"

"She's gone. Oh, God...I'm sorry Bella."

"Phil?" I keened...thinking there had to be a mistake and that he couldn't mean that she was dead.

"We've been having problems. I moved out last week...I stopped by tonight after our gig to pick up some stuff and I found her on her bathroom floor. I called the ambulance, but they couldn't find a pulse. I'm so sorry...I didn't know it was this bad."

"W-what was bad...tell me what happened to her, Phil!" I cried.

"The pills...I should have told you sooner, but she kept promising me that she would get help. She's been on them for a while, I guess...but it's been worse since you left. She's been taking more and more of them lately, and that's part of the reason I left her."

"Oh my God!" I sobbed loudly, not able to gather anymore thoughts.

"Bella?" Charlie knocked and entered my room. I dropped the phone and dissolved into his arms wailing. He picked up the phone and talked to Phil as he repeated everything he told me. Charlie ended the call, and seemed to not know what to say. Sue appeared in the doorway, looking for Charlie. He told her what happened and her hand flew to her mouth, before she crossed the room and knelt down beside my bed. She stroked my knee as Charlie held me for what seemed like forever.

The faintest light peered through my window, as my sobs became silent. Tears still streamed down my face, as I stared into space still in shock.

"Bella, can I get you anything?" Sue asked softly.

"E-Edward" I replied.

She disappeared and some time later when the sunlight shone brighter through the window, Charlie let go of me and another set of arms enveloped me.

"I'm here, Bella. I'm so sorry." Edward's voice was strained, as he brushed my tear soaked hair out of my face.

"I'm so glad you're here. I'll have to go to Pheonix...I don't know how long I'll have to stay," I whispered.

"Shhh, baby. We'll worry about that later. Are you alright, sweetheart?"

"I was dreaming about you when Phil called. You were going to play a song for me on your piano. I wish this was a dream and that was the reality, you know?" I sobbed.

He didn't say anything else for a while, as he held me. I clung to him like a life-raft as he gently hummed to me and stroked my back.

"I'm going to take a shower right quick...there's a lot to do, and I think I'm as ready as I can be to face it all. Thank you, Edward. It means the world to me that you are here today. I don't think I could handle this if I didn't have you."

"Okay, sweetheart. I'll go downstairs, and I'll be waiting for you along with Alice and mom." 

"Alice and Esme are here?"

"They love you too, you know," he chuckled.

I trudged downstairs after I was ready, my mind swirling trying to grab on to the reality of the situation, as well as process everything that I would need to do in the next week. I managed to put the bulk of my overwhelmed emotions in a side compartment in my brain, finding it necessary to keep going. I felt silent and still inside without the roil of confusion and sadness that I had put away to deal with later.

Esme and Alice immediately grabbed me up in hugs crying and assuring me that they would help me get through this. Edward stood behind his mother patting her back unable to reach me, but comforting us all at the same time with his solid, sure strength.

Sue caught my eye and the timid, repentant, yet knowing look in her own stopped me for a moment. It was like we had come to an understanding in the living room, no one else the wiser. She had been in the shoes I was standing in before, and she knew the deep hurt that came with losing someone you loved so suddenly.

"I'll need to fly to Pheonix as soon as possible to help Phil with arrangements," I stated with little inflection.

"Don't worry...we'll take care of that part," Esme assured me.

After a brief pause, Sue spoke in a quiet, but sure voice, "She can't go by herself...she needs someone to go with her."

"The kids all have one week of school left before Christmas break, Sue. Every adult here works. Besides, she'll need someone to pick up all of her missed lessons," Charlie duly noted.

"It's alright, I have an idea."

I was surprised that my ability to problem solve was still in tact...not much else seemed to be. I was suddenly grateful that I had kept up with emailing Kate at least once a week. If that failed, there was always Carol or Jenny. Perhaps it was also a good thing that prior to meeting Alice, I was pretty good at being on my own.

"Let us help you, Bella," Alice begged.

"Alright. First call Kate James," I handed her my phone. "Explain what happened and ask if it would be alright if I stayed with her this week. She'll be in school, but her mom stays home. I don't really think I could stay at mom's where it happened," I choked.

Alice dutifully called, and she and Kate really seemed to hit it off as well as the situation would allow. Kate's parents were fine with me staying, and her mother Diane promised to help me and take me anywhere I needed to be during the week. I knew I would feel relatively comfortable there, because I had stayed there dozens of times over the years.

Esme got on the laptop and got the tickets arranged. We weren't sure exactly what day I would be coming back, so she arranged for me to be added to one of her credit card accounts and handed me a Platinum Visa.

"You use this for whatever you need while you're there, and for your flight home," she demanded.

"Esme...I-I can't take this," I stammered.

"We can give her money for her trip," Charlie gruffed.

"Nonsense," Esme stated authoritatively, putting an end to all arguments. "You are a member of our family as far as any of us are concerned, and I will not have you without what you need."

I looked to Edward and Alice who nodded fervently.

"Alright. Thank you, Esme." I hugged her as she kissed my forehead.

"Alright, sweetie. Your flight leaves in five hours, so that gives you just enough time to pack up. It's about four hours to the airport."

"Chief Swan, if you don't mind, Alice and I would like to take Bella to the airport," Edward requested.

"Bells?" Charlie tried to see if I needed him, or if I was better of with Edward and Alice. He really wasn't good at dealing with emotions.

"Please, dad," I begged. I needed Edward and Alice to be the last people I saw before facing Pheonix, and draw from their strength and care for me.

"Sure, son. You just make sure she makes it safely," Charlie demanded.

"Yes, sir."

Alice went upstairs with me to help me pack, well...really she did all the packing while I stared out the window. She seemed to understand that I wasn't in the mood for a lot of talking.

I hugged Dad, Sue, Seth, and Leah, who I didn't even notice had been there all this time, goodbye. Edward packed all my stuff in his trunk, and we headed to Seattle. They stopped and made sure I ate a little on the way. Edward held my hand as I sat in the passenger seat, but otherwise they were thankfully quiet. Edward played music softly the whole ride, and stroked my hand reassuringly with his thumb as I stared out the window.

I looked out at the vibrant green landscape that seemed to wrap the Olympic Peninsula in a nurturing hug, and contrasted it with the barren desert heat that sapped the earth of Pheonix of it's life giving moisture. I realized I identified perfectly with the two towns. The people I had here in Forks had become my source of love, nurture, and identity. Pheonix had always been barren for me, and after today...it had sapped me dry.

My mother, and to a lesser degree Phil and Kate had been the only signs of life for me there...sparse vegatation in the desert. Now that she was gone, it was very nearly lifeless, and a huge part of me had no desire to return there. I looked up at the cloud covered sun and the wintery precipitation. In Pheonix, the sun was surely shining...the first sun my mother wouldn't witness cross the sky since the day she was born.

Edward and Alice walked with me into the airport, and I hugged Alice first.

"Thank you, Alice...I love you."

"Oh, Bella...I love you too," she sobbed. "You call me...I don't care what I'm doing. You are my best friend, I am always here for you. Okay?" She wept.

"I know, Alice. I don't know what I'd do without you...without all of you." A few tears streaked silently down my face as I turned to face Edward.

"Thank you, Edward. I can't tell you how much you've done for me today. I don't want to know where I'd be without you."

"I hate that you're going to be alone there. I wish I could go with you."

"You will be with me." I smiled and reached up to kiss him. It was sweet and soft, yet I drew so much strength from it. He held me tightly to his chest, as if he could protect me from all the hurt in the world.

"Call me, text me, whenever...a hundred times a day if you need to. You come back to me soon," he said lowly. I noticed his eyes were watery.

"I will." I placed my hand on his cheek before turning to board the plane that would take me away from everyone that meant the most to me. I focused on my goal...survive this, and get back to them.

**AN: Sorry for the delay...this chapter was so hard to write! I think it's mostly because this chapter hit a little to close to home for me. If you have a loved one that you suspect may have a problem with drug addiction, please do everything you can to get them help. Check out:**

**www (dot) drugfree (dot) org. **

**Thank you to all of you who have reviewed, read, and favorited this story. You reviewers give me the encouragement to write this story, which is quite a bit more involved and difficult than my other story. Thanks especially to Visum Luna whose review gave me the kick in the butt to finish this story tonight. **

**Song for this chapter (other than Ain't Talkin')**

**The Verve- "The Drugs Don't Work" **

**Hope you enjoy! Love & hugs.**


	14. Tears of Rage

**Tears of Rage**

**(The Basement Tapes - 1975 Bob Dylan)**

_**And now the heart is filled with gold**_

_**As if it was a purse**_

_**But, oh, what kind of love is this**_

_**Which goes from bad to worse?**_

_**Tears of rage, tears of grief**_

_**Must I always be the thief?**_

_**Come to me now, you know**_

_**We're so low**_

_**And life is brief**_

The sun was just slipping past the desert horizon as Kate and I sat in the back of her mom's car on the way to their house. Kate and Diane had each given me a warm hug when they picked me up at the airport, but both seem to recognize that I wasn't in any mood to carry on much of a conversation. Kate gently stroked my left hand in condolence as my right held my phone as I talked with Phil about meeting up the following morning at the house to find everything we needed to take to the funeral home.

Phil was a wreck, and didn't handle responsiblity well to begin with, so it looked like, yet again, it was up to me to be the grown up. I had always considered mom and Phil's immaturity as kind of endearing, except in times when I really needed them to be the adults. Sometimes a teenager just isn't ready to handle certain things on their own, but I had to do what needed to be done.

Sleep was sporadic at best, and the total of about two hours that I aquired was filled with nightmares about finding my mother on the floor of her bathroom. The thought of walking in that house made me physically ill. I clung to the realization that I had people that cared about me and would support me who were only a phone call away.

I waited until nearly 7am to call Edward. I finally let go of a few of my tears as I told him about Phil and the pressure I felt to hold everything together, and my nightmares and fears about going in the house. His warm voice comforted me like a hug.

"Oh, sweetheart. I hate that you are there on your own. I promise you right now that you will never have to go through anything else alone again. Alice and Mom had to talk sense into me last night...I was about to drive to Seattle and get on a plane. Logically, I know that this is how it has to be...but it doesn't make it easy to accept."

"I told you, Edward...you are here with me. You are the reason that I have the strength to walk in that house today. The reason I know that I will get through this, no matter how hard it gets. I have you and lots of other people where I used to have basically no one to help me. I know that there is a point in time somewhere in the future where I will be happy and none of this can hurt me again...and you will be there."

"We will be there, together...I'm more sure about that than anything else now. By the way, I'm well aware that I am there with you...you took my heart with you when you left."

"Yeah, well...I left mine with you in Forks. So I'll take care of yours and you take care of mine, deal?" I actually laughed for the first time since the phone call.

"Deal. I miss you so much, Bella."

"I miss you too."

~~~~~~L-0~~~~~~

Everything seemed surreal as Diane pulled up in the driveway of the house I called home for most of my life. I saw Phil's work truck parked in the open garage beside mom's car. I knew her Fleetwood Mac cd was still in the player, and I wondered what was the last song she had listened to. I could see the dent in the rear bumper from her backing into a concrete barrier in a parking lot. I seemed to be noticing little things and I took time to let each little piece of reality sink in to begin the puzzle that was my grief.

I shut the door of Diane's car, taking a moment to hear Edward's voice in my mind as I gained resolve. Diane rolled down the window as I took my first hesitant step toward the house.

"You call me when you're ready to come back home, alright?"

"I will. Thank you, Diane...for everything."

I stepped through the front door and found Phil with papers scattered all around him looking as if he hadn't showered or shaved in days. He didn't appear to be doing anything actually productive, just sort of grabbing his knees and sobbing. I knelt down in the floor amongst the mountain of paperwork in front of my step-father.

"Phil, I'm here...have you found the insurance papers?"

"I've tried...it's all confusing. They weren't really organized."

I was sifting through the copious amounts of paper when Phil interrupted my search.

"Bella...please forgive me. I feel so guilty for leaving her that way...if I had only known that she was that bad off..."

"Phil, this isn't your fault. I do wish someone would have told me if she had a problem, so we could have gotten her help. I knew something was wrong...I knew it," I sobbed.

An hour later, I was on the phone with the insurance company. The overly cheerful representative informed me that because it was a sudden and suspicious death, payment would be delayed until a full autopsy was performed. The good news, was that the two year suicide rider had been met, therefore it would be paid eventually.

"Bella, do you know what this is?" Phil asked as he handed me a bank envelope. I examined the contents, which included an older bank statement, and read the first page silently.

**First National Bank of Pheonix**

**Account #000921678**

**Trust Account (Isabella Marie Swan) c/o**

**Renee Higgenbotham Swan Dwyer**

**21 Crest Dr. **

**Pheonix, Az 85308**

I scanned the ledger of deposits and withdrawls and found the balance.

"Twenty four thousand dollars?" I yelled a little too loudly. "What is this? What is a trust account? Why is my name on this?"

"You'd better call the bank on that one. She never told me anything about it. Looks like there's a lot she didn't tell me," he grumbled the last part.

"I really don't want to discuss being left out of the loop right now, Phil. Ok?" I said in a sharper tone than I intended.

"Right. Sorry Bella...I wasn't thinking."

The bank explained that the account was a spendthrift trust account opened on behalf of the minor child of Renee Dwyer, Isabella Swan. I informed the woman that I was no longer a minor, but had turned eighteen in September. She requested that I bring my driver's license and social security card to the bank the following week, so that I could try to get access to my account.

I could not figure out where or why mom, or myself for that matter, would be getting that amount of money. She never mentioned it to me, and it never seemed like we had too much extra money. Mom had almost always worked full time, and Phil had worked most of the time.

I wondered for a moment if it was something shady, but it seemed as if someone was trying to provide for me. She had never told me much about her family, or her past for that matter. I figured that I would find out more when the time came, and moved on to more pressing matters.

Phil and I rode together to the funeral home to make arrangements. Mom had always wanted to be cremated, so the director allowed Phil and I to go in and see her before she was taken for the autopsy, then to the crematorium. I refused. I didn't want to see her like that...I didn't want the thoughts of my mother, whether good or bad, to be tainted by some traumatizing image of her still, cold body.

When Phil came out of the room from seeing her, I knew I made the right decision. He was so shaken and dazed that I ended up answering all of the director's questions and handing over all of the forms. It was already nearing four in the afternoon by the time we finished at the funeral home. Phil was still helpless, so I called Diane and asked her to pick me up at Phil's apartment so that I could drive him home.

Diane and Kate made small talk at dinner, and thankfully gave me plenty of space. Diane's husband Bill was on a buisiness trip and was to return in a few days. I thanked them again for their kindness to me, and hugged them both before heading to the guest room to call Edward, Alice, and Dad.

I talked briefly with Dad, letting him know that it would be at least a week before everything would be settled in Pheonix. Next, I called Alice, and it made my heart lighter to hear my best friend's voice. She told me that Rose missed me almost as much as she did, and passed along the message that I should, quote, "Hurry up and get my skinny ass back to Forks." Alice said that Edward had been even more moody and withdrawn than before we started dating. It was like he was physically there, but emotionally somewhere else.

I saved Edward for last, as well as every detail of my day. I told him about the mysterious bank account, the funeral home, and driving a pretty much useless Phil home. I had nothing to do but wait until the ashes were returned to us and the death certificate so that we could have the memorial service. He listened and gave his thoughts and advice supportively, always reminding me how much he missed me, and how he wished that he could be there with me.

"I couldn't do this without knowing you are there for me, Edward. I can't wait until I can tell you and show you how much you mean to me in person."

"I wish it didn't take something like this for me to know, without a doubt, that I can never be without you. I never want to be without you again, Bella. I don't think I could take it."

"You know, I've never had someone I trusted with everything with before you. I haven't told anyone else half of what I've told you. You're the only one that gets all of me, everyone else only gets little pieces."

"I will protect what you give me with all my heart. I really don't want to say what I'm feeling over the phone, but mark my words...I will tell you soon."

~~~~~~~~L-0~~~~~~~~

The weekend passed, and I shared a little more about what was going on with Diane, Kate, and Bill, but I told no one else about the bank account. I called Mom's friends, Carol and Jenny, from work to see if they would help go through all of her things. I certainly didn't want to have to do that myself.

The following Tuesday found Carol, Jenny, and me at the house and sorting her things into piles of trash, donate, or another pile if one of us could use it. Carol was in the closet going through clothes, Jenny was going through the drawers, and I was organizing the stuff they pulled out into the piles.

"What is this?" Jenny asked as she pushed some sort of large, white safe out of the closet. I went over and examined it, noting that it was really heavy and had a rotary combination lock on it.

I tried several combinations including her birthday, my birthday, and her wedding anniversary to Phil. I tried several more before trying the date of her marriage to Dad. I heard the lock give way, and opened the safe. I didn't have time to wonder why she had chosen that combination, because I was stunned at everything I found in the safe.

I found several jewelry pieces that looked very expensive. I found the custody agreement from Mom and Dad's divorce, but I set it aside to explore further. There was a few letters from a lawyer in California, and several bonds, some with her name and a few with mine.

I put all of the things in the box that I was taking with me, so I could look at them later, and went to get lunch with Jenny and Carol.

They laughed together as they shared their memories of Mom. I was amused by several things they said, but I couldn't help but feeling that none of us had a full grasp on who she really was.

Later that evening, I was going through the paperwork that I had taken from the safe. I flipped through the custody papers from my parent's divorce. It wasn't really anything I didn't know...it looked as if Charlie didn't put up much of a fight.

I saw an invoice from the lawyer in California from around the same time that showed that mom's divorce lawyer was paid around a hundred thousand dollars for my mother's no contest divorce paid in full by a third party.

"Where the hell did all this money come from?" I shouted, angry that I was again clueless, and that it appeared my father never stood a chance in the whole ordeal.

I saw the same lawyer's name, Jason Jenks, on a few other documents belonging to my mother. I decided to give that lawyer's office a call the next morning to see if I could get someone at his office to give me any information to the money mystery surrounding my mother and apparently myself.

I was so exhausted that I could do nothing but text Edward and Alice before sinking down to sleep, hoping that the next day would bring me some answers.

~~~~~~~~L-0~~~~~~~~

Stunned. Shocked. Pissed. I was all of these things after the fateful phone call to a lawyer uncovered more about my mother than I ever dreamed.

_(Two hours earlier...)_

"Jason Jenks' office, this is Bree. How may I assist you today?"

"Hello. My name is Isabella Swan. Um, my mother recently passed away and apparently Mr. Jenks was a lawyer in a lot of her dealings. I was wondering if I might could get some information as to the source of unexplained funds in her possession."

"What was her name?"

"Renee D...Higginbotham Swan Dwyer."

"Higginbotham did you say?"

"Yes."

"Hold just a moment, please."

I was stunned when none other than Mr. Jenks himself greeted me on the other end of the line. After assuring himself that I was indeed Isabella Marie Swan, the daughter of one Renee Higginbotham Swan Dwyer, he was quick to fill me in.

After he expressed his condolences, he began,

"I am the executor the will of Richard Fitzgerald and Anna Lemore Higgenbotham. It was revised in 1997 to change the sole heir from their only child, Renee Claire Higgenbotham Swan, to their granddaughter, Isabella Marie Swan. In the event that the heir was a minor when they both expired, the holdings were to be frozen with the exception of a small percentage of the interest to be placed in a spendthrift trust to be put in Renee's control for your care until the time that you turned 18."

"So Richard and Anna were my grandparents? When did they die?"

"Your grandfather passed in April of 1999, and your grandmother in June of 2003. Your mother never mentioned them to you?" he asked softly.

"No, I'm afraid not. I had no idea about the bank account, no idea about the custody...quite frankly I'm angry that she left me in the dark about so much," I choked out.

"It might make more sense to you if I explained why your grandparents felt the need for the spendthrift in the first place. I, of course, mean no disrespect to your mother. I simply wish feel the need to explain the reason your grandparents did not trust her with their fortune.

Your mother was raised with the best of everything...the daughter of a very successful business mogul. Your grandmother was rich in her own right, the sole heiress of the founder of Lemore Petroleum. Your grandparents were unable to have any children after Renee, so they unfortunately spoiled her greatly.

By the time she was a teen, she was very unruly. She had lots of money at her disposal and the wrong sort of friends. Dick and Anna tried to look away from her obvious drug and alcohol abuse, thinking it was just a phase, and that she would mature by the time she reached college age.

When she was sixteen, they saw that it was just getting worse, and moved from Santa Barbara to Seattle. Your grandfather even moved his business headquarters there. It seemed much better for a while. A year later, your mom found out she was pregnant. Apparently, she met your father on a weekend camping trip to Forks with her friends. They started a relationship, unbeknownst to Dick and Anna.

Your father was from a middle class family from a nowhere town. Dick believed it was a ploy by your mother to rebel against them, and by having you, gain access to more of their money as well as freedom from their judgement for her choices.

Renee didn't expect that Dick would cut her off and cease contact when she married your father. Six years later, she showed up at your grandparent's house begging them to help her divorce Charlie...that she made a huge mistake and gave a repentant apology. She pleaded for a good lawyer so that she wouldn't lose you.

Dick helped her and hired me to get her the no contest divorce and full custody she sought. When Dick saw you, he loved you and felt terribly guilty for not at least helping you if not Renee. He saw you as a second chance, in a way. He thought you were so unlike your mother in your temperment, and your grandmother felt the same way. So they immediately changed their will to set up the trust, and make you their sole heir."

I was silent while I listened to the truth about my mother and grandparents that I had been denied for 18 years.

"Thank you...for telling me all of that. I wish I could have known them, you really seem to have cared for them in more than professional way," I sniffed as tears trickled down my cheek.

"Dick was my friend. And as his friend, I'm glad to know the heir to his fortune is worthy of it. If you will permit me, I will fly to Pheonix tomorrow evening and we'll hammer out all of the details. I also want to make sure there is no trouble with you accessing your trust."

"Thank you so much, Mr. Jenks."

I gave him my cell number, then hung up the phone and put it on the charger. I cried for hours because, now, I had three people to mourn at once. I was pissed...how dare she keep this all from me? How dare she use my father that way. How dare she use me to get money from my grandparents?

How dare she never tell me about them?

_(end flashback)_

I told Edward everything. He was the only one I trusted enough or had the energy to tell. I could tell he was shocked, although he still tried to be supportive for me. He told me that our finals were pretty tough, but that our teachers had been very understanding and assured me that he'd help me study.

He had simply been wonderful to me through all of this. I had always unknowingly put an emotional barrier between myself and everyone else...a self-defense mechanism that I was not aware of. Edward was teaching me that there were people worth tearing down the walls for. I trusted him, even after so short a time, implicitly, and to a slightly lesser degree I trusted the others around me that had broken through my wall.

Friday morning, Mr. Jenks picked me up from the James' house in his rented BMW. Edward had been a little concerned about me being with Jenks alone, but he understood that there was no one but him that I could trust about the inheritance until it was a done deal.

There was no need to worry. Jenks, as I had started calling him since he mentioned that was what my grandfather called him, looked like a kind older uncle with eyes that crinkled when he smiled, a slightly portly figure, and salt and pepper hair.

We drove to a swanky coffee shop that served breakfast and brunch, and Jenks requested a secluded table in the back. I ordered a cappuccino and a scone, while he ordered Eggs Benedict and a decaf latte.

After we finished eating, he placed his briefcase on the table and popped it open.

"Firstly, Bella, let me tell you how happy I am to have met you. I can tell you that Dick and Anna would be very proud of the young lady you've become, and pleased that they chose to bless you with this inheritance. Not once have you asked or even hinted at asking the amount of this inheritance. That in itself is remarkable, and shows you to be the sort of person it takes to handle this."

"Thank you," I replied sincerely. Hearing him say that they would be proud of me really touched me.

"Now, down to business. The trust that you know about is, as I said previously, funded by a small percentage of the total funds in your grandparent's estate. An average of $50,000 per year was placed in the account for your care. I can see that you had no knowledge of it, and it appears it was as Dick feared afterall. He struggled with putting so little in for you, but was also against funding any "hobbies" of Renee's.

Seeing as you are eighteen years of age, and your grandparents as well as your mother have passed away, the entirety of your grandparent's estate is to be transferred to you. I'm going to explain all of that to you now, alright?"

I simply nodded.

"Okay, so the liquid or tangible assets are like cash...accessible to you from today forward, whenever you have need of it. This is set up in an annuity, which contains most of the quarterly interest of the nest egg set up in several checking accounts in your name. We did this so the amounts would be insured. As of today, you have a total of $650,000 in three seperate accounts accessible now with these debit cards."

I stared shocked at the debit cards as if they would catch fire or transform into a scary clown. With a shaking hand I took them from Jenks, and placed them carefully in the wallet in my purse.

"Breakfast is on me," I joked trying to ease the tension.

"I think that's a great idea," he laughed in return.

"Okay, so there's that. The nest egg has been compounding over the years since your grandparents died with the exception of the cost of upkeep of the estate including the house in Seattle, your trust, and my salary, of course."

"House?"

"That is correct. You may choose to sell it or keep it, but it was your grandparent's house. It is a lovely house in Queen Anne, with an estimated worth of 2.5 to 3 million. It is currently cared for by Nina, your grandparent's housekeeper, who lives there in the apartment above the garage. She is paid out of the interest as well as the landscapers, and any upkeep."

He presented a picture of a large elegant Tudor house.

"Um, this is a bit of a delicate subject, but I want you to know you have the choice to choose someone else to handle your affairs. Your grandparents chose me because they trust me. I worked in for your grandfather's company as an accountant while I went to law school. It is unusual to find legal and financial services in one place."

He laughed nervously as he produced a paper laying out all of the finances and where everything went, which was far beyond my ability to comprehend.

"Jenks, how could I want anyone but you do help me through all of this?" I stared back overwhelmed and shocked. He looked relieved as he continued.

"Alright, so as I was saying, the "nest egg" is currently at around $45 million dollars."

He paused as I let that sink in, and patted my hand as I coughed and sputtered. I was still too shocked to actually say anything.

"Then there are bonds, your grandmother's jewelry and other personal items which are in a safety deposit box in Seattle, and of course stocks and interests in your grandfather's company."

"Jenks, do you have a picture of my grandparents?"

He looked surprised for a moment, and then smiled as he handed me a 4x6 print of them with Jenks. They looked to all be laughing, and very casual. I returned it to him with tears in my eyes.

"There is a large portrait of them in the house in Seattle, and others photographs there as well."

We stood and I hugged Jenks fiercely.

"Thank you so much, for everything."

I then pulled out the shiny card to pay, half expecting it to be rejected and this all to be a joke. But, the waitress returned with my card and the reciept.

We headed to the bank together to meet the lady at the bank to access my trust account. I planned to give part of that money to Phil to help him out. After all, what did I need with more money? I just needed to be careful to make sure he didn't know about the rest of it.

I planned to pay for the cremation and memorial service out of it, and give him the remainder. He was primary benificiary on her life insurance, so he would recieve that as well to pay off her debts and keep the rest. I would come clean about the bonds in the safe, letting him assume that was the entirety of it. Not that he could have any claim to my grandparent's money, but I didn't want the only time we talked to be him asking for money. For once, I was glad for my mother's penchant for hiding secrets.

Jenks made swift work of the lady who was shocked that I brought a personal attorney to the bank. I walked out twenty minutes later with $400 in cash and a cashier's check for $28, 765.

It was so hard for me to say goodbye to Jenks as he dropped me back off at the James' house. I had known the man all of two days, and he was like family to me... more so than most of my real family.

I thanked and hugged him again, and he looked at me with teary eyes.

"It's been such a pleasure to meet you, Bella. I look forward to having a close relationship with you like I did with your grandparents. They really were family to me. It's so good to have a piece of them back. I'll be back for the service, and you keep in touch, alright?"

I nodded and hugged him again.

Later that afternoon, I shared with Diane and Kate that I had come into a little bit of money, and wanted to at least help with groceries or something. Diane told me that there was no need, that they had missed me and enjoyed having me. I finally got them to agree to let me take them all out to dinner and, since Kate was finally out of school for break the next week, a shopping trip with Diane and Kate.

I waited until after dinner to call Edward, and when his warm deep voice answered, I laid it on him.

"Baby, I don't know how to tell you this, but your girlfriend is a multi-millionaire."

**AN: I know, and I'm so sorry it took me so long to get this to ya'll! This chapter was chock full of complicated details, and inspired by personal events (except for the money part). This is how I always saw it, but it was hard to piece it all together. Anyway, I will start to work immediately on Jelly Belly, and then this one again. Hopefully, I won't keep ya'll in the dark for too long. **

**Thank you to everyone of you who haven't given up on my yet, and Love & hugs. **


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